John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica

 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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Friday, November 26, 2004
Conspiracy Theory: Development Fund for Iraq

Conspiracy Theory in the Imajica

Conspiracy Theory in the Imajica Menu
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Babylonian Slush Fund
Billions of dollars of your U.S. federal tax payments are missing and continue to remain totally unaccounted for in the ever-expanding financial blackhole called the Development Fund for Iraq (DFI).

Under the authority of U.S. President George W. Bush with his May 22nd, 2003 Executive Order, Iraqi Oil money was deemed so important as to declare a national emergency:

"I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, find that the threat of attachment or other judicial process against the Development Fund for Iraq, Iraqi petroleum and petroleum products, and interests therein, and proceeds, obligations, or any financial instruments of any nature whatsoever arising from or related to the sale or marketing thereof, and interests therein, obstructs the orderly reconstruction of Iraq, the restoration and maintenance of peace and security in the country, and the development of political, administrative, and economic institutions in Iraq. This situation constitutes an unusual and extraordinary threat to the national security and foreign policy of the United States and I hereby declare a national emergency to deal with that threat."

In July 2004, the UK-based NGO, Christian Aid, with their people on the ground in Iraq, politely reported that Bush's Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA) was more or less playing Three Card Monty with DFI funds as they handed over responsibility (and culpability) to the Interim Government of Iraq, headed by Bush-puppet Ayad Allawi.

At the time of blogging about the Christian Aid report, however, I was more concerned that Red State America was simply going to overlook this mismanagement, corruption, and outright theft of billions of dollars and simply vote for their Friend-in-Jesus in the Whitehouse and his administration's cronies for four more years.  So, my tone in that entry was a pre-election political rant.

While the Will U.S. Christians overlook obvious Bush sins? entry generated a fair number of passionate comments, the heart of the matter was completely overlooked and ignored, indeed.  Oftentimes, people react more strongly to some graphic image I create associated with an entry more than the words I actually use, unless I pull out the linguistic two-by-four and start swinging wildly. 

Sometimes, I honestly think it requires that I spray paint the word dumbfuck in bright red letters onto the end of that Billy Jack stick and try to hit people hard enough with it so as to transfer the friggin' paint to their foreheads.  Bush has changed some of the names of his cabinet to protect the guilty and shift responsibility, but the buck should still ultimately stop at the top for once in his life, don't you think?

When all of this corruption was taking place, what was the Administration's response?  Get Karl Rove on the phone with FOX news and remind them if their news organization was to run any stories with the words, "oil, money, and Iraq" in the same sentence, they should point out there was an investigation into the post Gulf War Oil for Food program and that U.S. forces found Saddam Hussein in a spiderhole with a briefcase full of cash.  Oh, and move any investigative journalist's spotlight onto the United Nations, itself, and that pesky Kofi Annan.  Nobody in Red State America trusts those bastards, anyway.

Why not?  If flooding the American Mind with talk of the Vietnam War works to defeat your political opponent and win an election, surely talking about the more recent past will deflect any culpability from the Bush administration.  Not everyone is so easily distracted.

You see, even with George W. Bush's self-proclaimed mandate, there are still some checks and balances left in our U.S. federal government, despite the evangelical work of the Monkey Emperor's Perpetual Delusion Machine.  You can't easily dismiss this whole thing as solely a politically partisan attack or post-election sour grapes.  The House of Representative's Committee on Government Reform has been looking into this whole Iraq money mess since 2003.

The same day Bush signed his 22 May 2003 Executive Order, the United Nations Security Council passed resolution 1483.  UNSCR 1483 set up the International Advisory and Monitoring Board (IAMB) for the DFI.  The IAMB was to oversee the CPA use of the DFI, as well as any remaining funds left in the Oil for Food program.

Before sovereignty was passed along to the Interim Government of Iraq from the CPA on 30 June 2004, UNSCR 1546 mandated that the IAMB remains as the audit oversight body for the DFI.  As Christian Aid reported, the CPA dumped $20 Billion dollars before handing over the reigns to the Allawi government.  The IAMB hired the international auditing firm KMPG to audit the DFI activity.

On 14 October 2004, the IAMB press release announced KMPG had completed their initial audit of the DFI, only covering the six month period prior to the dissolution of the CPA.  One guess what they found -- hundreds of cases where millions of dollars are unaccounted for and missing.

The House of Representative's Committee on Government Reform released a small fact sheet on the full IAMB audit report entitled, "International Auditors Find Serious Problems with Bush Administrationís Management of Iraqi Funds."  The KPMG audit report, entitled Development Fund for Iraq: Report of Factual Findings in Connection with Disbursements, finds serious problems with the Administrationís management of Iraqi funds.

According to the Government Reform Committee, these problems involved hundreds of millions of dollars, numerous sole source contracts, missing and nonexistent contract files, and continuing investigations into major irregularities. They involve programs administered by the Coalition Provisional Authority, Iraqi ministries, the Kurdish Regional Government, and Iraqi provincial governments.  Here are just two of my favorite bullet points:
We found 37 cases where contracting files could not be located ($185,039,313). (p.18)

We found 52 cases where goods received notes or other supporting documentation were not on file ($97,979,888). (p. 19)
So, that's the just IAMB audit. I haven't even mentioned the ever-growing hairball named Halliburton.  The 10 November letter from the Government Reform Committee points to State and Defense Department emails and memoranda, and names some names.  It's also an interesting read.

Your comments are encouraged on this growing DFI scandal.

[Headphones] :: Allah's Helicopter (beta) - JfZ

Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Swamp Gas v. 001

Welcome to Swamp Gas in the Imajica.  Similar to the You Can't Make This Shit Up (YCMTSU) section, Swamp Gas will focus solely on news and items of interest in the sunshine state of Florida.

They say, "All the nuts in America roll downhill to Florida," so let's just see how true that phrase really is.

Click on the Swamp Gas logo for the smelly menu.

Swamp Gas v. 001


Given the reaction, you'd think friggin' Godzilla was causing havoc around Boca Raton.  According to the Boca Beacon, there are just too many lizards roaming the island of Boca Grande.  It's been Monster Island for many years according to some local residents expressing their anger and dismay over the iguana problem at the local community meeting.

Lee county animal services "handles cats and dogs and doesn't do exotics," Scott Trebatoski, director of Lee County Animal Services, reminded residents during the recent meeting.  Lulu could not be reached for a comment on this story.


It's official.  Kathy Bates has left the tree house.  In a waddling swarm of helpful estrogen, things were boxed up and removed.  As DWStumps might appreciate, the ice cube trays are still all present and accounted for, and even better, no DNA was removed and allowed to spawn elsewhere.

The toilet seat will now remain in the vertical and upright position.  Unfortunately, there will be no more updations on the Broken Kitty in the Imajica.  As inevitable surprises rate, this game has been played many times in the past.  I have my towel.


Not quite related to the above story, but no one likes to eat bad clams.  The recent hurricanes in Florida did cause some damage to the clam harvest, according to Jim Hoy of the Cedar Key News.  Hoy reports further on the damage:
Cedar Key had little damage overall from recent hurricanes Charlie, Frances and Ivan.  However, storm damage to our clam crop is not yet fully known according to University of Florida Extension Mariculturist Leslie Sturmer.

Fortunately, a majority of the Levy County clammers have joined the Federal Risk Management Agency insurance program and are eligible for payments for their losses.
Your federal tax dollars hard at work.  Better put some Tabasco sauce on the next thick load of slime you slide down the back of your throat because even though it may be an evil clam -- you paid for it -- twice.

[Headphones] :: Jessica: Sanibel Island - JfZ

Monday, November 22, 2004
Blog the Haircut

Weird Maniac Dentistrytroops

Below is a photo of our blogdrive buddy Phases.  He was in Iraq.  He has been out of the military for some months, now.  You can see how he has let his hair grow way out.  But he didn't just crawl out of a spiderhole.

Chia Petflowbee

His birthday was just last month, and since I thought he looked like a Chia Pet, I thought someone should get him a FlowBee Home Haircare system.  But, all he wanted ever wanted was more cake.

G W PhasesSuper Stick Phases

Phases is back in school.  Although he still needs a haircut, he could be a future president of the United States or maybe just the next Charles Schultz.  Phases is smart and Super Stick Phases is funny.

The Red BowBlonde and Curly

Phases needs your help.  We need to vote for the next haircut Phases gets, since that Chia Pet look isn't serving him well.  Should he get a big hairdo or go bleached blonde and curly?

Boot Camp BaldPink Buzz Cut

Why not vote for something that matters for once?

B l o g   t h e   H a i r c u t

You can just vote for one of the new haircuts for Phases here, even if you think he should Stay the Course with the Chia Pet look.

Should Phases go back to Boot Camp Bald?  If you have a really bright idea, grab the bald Phases image and give him your own haircut idea.  Even if you are not too skilled with your own paint program, please help Phases change that Chia Pet to something else -- even if it's a hot pink buzz cut.


[Headphones] :: We Can Do Better - JfZ

Saturday, November 20, 2004
Any Questions?

I grieve this mess
When I was serving proudly in the U.S. Army, my job required me to hold a top secret security clearance.  If someone tells you that they held an above top secret clearance, it's not total bullshit.  It's simply a convenient way to explain military beauracracy.

I can't tell you how it is today, now, but when I had such responsibilities, information was either unclassified or classified.  We had seperate trash bags for unclassified candy wrappers and classified document trash.

When some information was given a military or government security designation of classified, it would get one of only three descriptions: Confidential, Secret or Top Secret.

If you then follow the family tree or decision tree of information security up into its spreading branches, you climb up the trunk and can take the unclassified limb or the classified limb.  You can monkey about the unclassified limb until your eyes are red and scratchy, as most information within the U.S. government is unclassified.  As you might be aware, some information even becomes de-classified, after a number of years.  We all still wait on some curious details of a number of things to become de-classified and part of the so-called public domain.

If you have a security clearance for information, it is first described as one of the next set of three limbs on the information security tree.  You might be cleared to have access to Confidential information, Secret information or Top Secret information.  Each of these three categories of information security is official, described quite legally, and the penalties for divulging or compromising the security of each classification of information increase as the harm to the U.S. government increases.

While I can not speak for lower classifications, the penalties for divulging top secret classified information -- even unintentionally through mistake, stupidity or negligence -- was severe.  In war time, it could be labelled treason, and you could forfeit your life through imprisonment or execution.

I'm not sure when the government or defense department adopted the term and method of Specially Compartmented Information (SCI) , but it's likely this happened as far back as WWII.  I'll simply seperate any personal knowledge of any of this by saying, "I'm not telling you anything you can't gather from any typical Tom Clancy novel."

If you happened to climb the information security tree up the classified branch, climbed further onto the Top Secret branch, you'd find a large bush of limbs for everything the government thinks should be Top Secret.  Not only that, but by creating SCI, the guys working on UAVs and the guys working on nextgen spy satellites can both have Top Secret clearances but not have access to the other guy's work. Think of the Manhattan Project, as an example.

This is where the commonly used term "need to know" comes from.  You could hold a Top Secret security clearance, but if you don't need to know, you aren't read on (past tense) to that program or activity, each with its own code word designation.

For example, it wasn't publicly known to the citizens of the United States that we had spy satellites that could read the license plate off the back of a parked car until President Jimmy Carter walked out of a classified intelligence briefing and immediately stood at the podium of a public press conference while absentmindedly pushing the Top Secret classified folder over the top of the speaker podium's edge exposing the words "Talent Keyhole" to be inadvertantly photographed by the press.  Even then, it wasn't officially declassified by the NRO until 20 years later in 1997.

To be read on (past tense) or to be privvy to Top Secret Specially Compartmented Information (SCI) means that you have some need to know.  You get read on to do your job and you are read off, or debriefed, when you are finished or no longer need to know.  As it happens, I and my co-workers operated an SCI facility, or a SCIF.  We were read on for just about everything because we worked in data telecommunications.  It was a bizarre job that I can't talk much about.  Eventually, you are debriefed, or read off (past tense).  You basically sign an oath to shut your mouth for 75 years.  So, if I remember correctly, I can tell you what fun things and covert operations the government was doing around the world when I'm 97.  Don't hold your breath. I'll be lucky to live half that long.

What got me thinking about all the information security was the correlation between the official and the non-offical.  What only a handful in the government or defense department know -- as compared to the general public from the press.  Similarly, with the the state of information technology these days, it seems that the general public ends up knowing things before the intelligence agencies of various governments. Or maybe not. Cyberspace is an upside-down world.

So, while the GOP and BushCo can't seem to get their shit together enough to reform our U.S. intelligence infrastructure -- even though they have majority control of the entire government -- I'm off surfing public web sites like this one, looking at photo directories like these and watching very recent videos of so-called Iraqi insurgents like these.

Hey, even though I grew up in metro Detroit, where the largest population of Arabs live outside of the Middle East, I still can't read arabic.  I understand a little in a number of languages, but I always got Chaldean and Farsi arabic mixed up.  Also, I never learned French.  Growing up, I always thought Clint Eastwood wouldn't speak that sissy language, so instead of French, I learned Spanish, and then German, and I'm still practicing my English whenever I post here, obviously.

Even with all my language inadequacies, I can tell this site isn't operated by Bush-Cheney '04.  But you know what?  You're not going to see this information on our so-called unclassified news media either.  Maybe the government will finally get wind off this site, monitor it, or just shut it down.  But since it is our sons and daughters of America fighting and dying in Iraq, maybe we have a need to know.

[Headphones] :: Allah's Helicopter (beta) - JfZ

Thursday, November 18, 2004
Broken Kitty in the Imajica

never play with matches
It's been almost a month since I first told you about the broken kitty.  Whether it is from her harrowing experience with an automobile or just the cartoon way she travels on the linoleum flooring in the kitchen, the name given her by the users on the main tag board, Skiddy, has stuck.

Her lame leg seems to be healing.  After an intense month of physical therapy involving the chasing of several home-made devices of cellophane and yarn, random objects left on the floor, and imaginary prey, Skiddy is doing much better.

In her typical kittiness, Skiddy hasn't quite learned to retract her front claws yet and gets hooked up on just about everything made of cloth at which she bats.  So far, this embarassment has only involved clothing, carpeting and furniture upholstery.  I have yet to see her hanging unceremoniously from any drapery or screen windows.  So, that's nice.

Skiddy is also a bit skittish.  It is believed that she was likely a feral kitty when found.  Her lame leg may not have been caused by being hit by a car.  She may have been born with it and kicked out of the litter.  She may have been chewed on by a dog.  X-rays showed no broken bones in her lame leg, so perhaps it was a nerve or soft tissue injury that simply needs time to heal.  The veterinarian estimated her to be only 6 to 8 weeks old at that time she was found and subsequently examined, but the last month has allowed her to be more socialized toward people.

My own Skiddy hypothesis, given her age, is that she was likely born sometime during one of the several hurricanes.  Her birthplace was likely flooded or made inhabitable by the storms.  Her mother may have abandoned the litter or was killed.  Certainly, she was very young to be out in the rain and crossing a road.

She has become less timid and ventures away from her original hiding spot behind my bookshelf in the dining area.  I moved her food and litter box into the bathroom to force her to make that commute.  She has also become brave enough to go out on the porch even when someone is not down there doing something.

While Skiddy looks quite relaxed in the above image, it may be simply that one of her front paws is hooked on the carpeting and she was stunned that I would dare photograph her during this embarassment.  Or, it could just be that I busted her being a bad kitty and playing with matches.

[Headphones] :: Evil Stevie: Activate! - JfZ

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