John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica

 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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JfZ making a mess of the web
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Friday, November 07, 2003
Like Hygelic, his pungent fish fragrance filled the room

Sucks to be Boris
I think root canal surgery on polar bears (ursus maritmus) is a growth industry.  According to Rhonda Savage, a dentist near Tacoma, polar bears kept in tiny circus cages around the world develope a nervous habit of rubbing their teeth on the metal bars and excess wear can occur.  I can empathize with this, as I grind my teeth at night.  Recently, one of these polar bears, a 19-year-old named Boris, went in for some dental work to take care of two problem teeth.

You'd think it would be tough performing two root canals on a 1,018-pound, meat-eating beast with 4-inch claws.  Not according to Boris' dentist, Edmund Kwan.  Not quoted as saying, "First, you just knock the bitch out like some fat, middle-aged teamster and then use a larger drill bit".

While Boris got two root canals done, it's known that his buddy, Kenneth will require five surgeries.  Dentists are salivating and rubbing their own teeth on cash registers at the prospect of a whole new growing demographic of clientele.

As many women have had their dentist fondle them while under anesthesia, Boris also had liberties taken.  With no prior consent, they drew blood and urine from him.  While this seems to be a gross violation of his privacy, Boris doesn't plan any litigation as he had no dental insurance to cover the financial cost of his procedures.

Although The News Tribune in Tacoma didn't specify if Boris was a Republican at the time of his root canal, my personal opinion is that Boris is more likely to be a Libertarian as he certainly would devour any donkey or elephant meat given to him like a free hot wing appetizer at Hooters.  Donkeys and Elephants can eat tons of grass every day but get all righteous if a couple of polar bears smoke any.

Sunday, November 02, 2003
More shout outs

Werd up
.  Thanks go to Hygelic and Melicious for giving me some FTP access and storage space on their servers. 

Congrats to Melicious on getting a brand new car to tool around Fort Meyers and sunny SW Florida. 

Congrats to Hygelic for ... reading my blog while taking a dump.  Purrfect.  Don't forget to wash your hands after reading this blog will have to become new road signage or a bumper sticker. 

I finally broke in my goatee last night.  And then, shaved it off because it was the (sing it now) itchy and scratchy show.  Besides, if you grow your goatee too long, the terrorists win.
Skinnynobutt is so yesterday. No sunny-side up for her.  She's mad at me for pointing out the 
reality of our 'relationship'.  I'll miss her voice mails.

Friday, October 31, 2003
Shout-out for TOP

One of my neighbors just showed up last week.  My new nickname for him is TOP.  He was an
army lifer.  30 years or whatever.  He likes when I call him TOP because only someone who was an army first-sargeant or command-sargeant-major would turn around when someone yelled " Hey, TOP!! ".  CSM is the TOP of the army's NCO ranks, just in case you needed to know that to win a piece of pie during your next Trivial Pursuit game.

He's the president of our little home owner's association.  He pisses me off to no end because when he leaves his home in the morning, his dog fuckin' HOWLS at the top of his little canine lungs until TOP comes home.  I piss TOP off because I play HIP/HOP RAP music and the bass beat hurts his brain, I guess.  So, that's nice.

I burned TOP a Glenn Miller CD and burned his Loius Armstrong and Tony Bennet CDs this past weekend.  I make friends with the Q-tips here by giving them music from the days of their youths.  And. And. And, I had to tell TOP what the rules were.

You aren't allowed to bitch about my music because I play Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin and Glenn Miller and Charlie Parker just as often down at the pool and just as loud as I do Eminem, Kid Rock or Ted Nugent.


Thursday, October 30, 2003
Banana Splits


 So anyway, I burned a mix CD for my little apple-berry-redneck girlfriend this past weekend. Here's the playlist for the Banana Split Mix:

bad-dog's banana split mix
korben dallas - (5th element soundtrack)Eric Serra
lose yourself - Eminem
party up (up in here) (Gone in 60 seconds soundtrack) - DMX lyrics
stacy's mom - Fountains of Wayne
young at heart - Frank Sinatra


Thursday, October 23, 2003
Bill Gates is a digital crack dealer

It's after 4:00am and I can't sleep. If I add up all the hours that I have sat bleary-eyed and exhausted in front of this damn monitor, or one just like it, I could have gestated in a elephant's womb, been dropped unceremoniously onto the dusty savannah in a pile of goo and joined the roaming herd of big game.

Part of my problem with insomnia is Bill Gates.  Why did he factory-load Solitaire into every one of his MS WinX OS's since day one?  Is he a digital crack dealer?  I've clicked away hours of my life playing Spider solitaire. 

It's a conspiracy reaching into the highest levels of government, crooked politicians, industrialists and so-called philanthropists.  I mean, they give little innocent school children free PCs at our public schools to expose them and get them hooked on Solitaire at such a vulnerable and tender age.

The Federal Trade Commision doesn't even know half of the truth.  Or more likely, they are part of the cover up of the true evil -- Solitaire.

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