With less than two weeks left before the United States elects a new president and determines the direction of the most powerful economic and military entity on this particular spinning ball of mud that we lovingly call Earth, a great number of people are interested in foretelling the outcome of this event.
Personally, I have been staring intently at my own childhood clairvoyant device -- the Magic 8 ball -- for some sign or answer when my own impatience overtakes me.
Other more exceptable methods of foretelling the future outcome of the 2004 Presidential Election are employed by various groups of people and their organizations. They simply ask people.
Asking people, or polling them, can be trickier than you would first imagine, however. As I tried to point out in Town Hall Tap Dance, after the Second Presidential Debate, who you ask does matter.
Every major news and media outlet conducts polling by phone and internet. My only instinct regarding their polling data is that it is likely to reflect their own audience's political tendencies. A FOX or CBS news poll is only likely to enlighten you to the views or political opinions already held by their core audiences. Does it really matter if they add leaners, likely voters, or independent voters to their polling sample?
Even still, with the race being so close, or tight, or evenly split, any delta-V in the polling data instantly becomes news here in the U.S, and then is parroted in various newspapers across the globe. Recently in the news cycle is Nickelodeon's polling result that apparently shows kids prefer John Kerry.
Seriously, who needs to listen to Rasmussen, Zogby or Gallup polling when your candidate has sweeped the Nickelodeon demographic? Don't be lulled in complacency or apathy if you do want some change in the United States. Get off your ass and vote for your candidate. If you're tired of the same old DNC-donkey and RNC-elephant, I'm sorry. Despite my own admiration for Ralph Nader and Michael Badnarik, it appears that the only place that a third party political species has any chance to win an election is on Disney's ToonTown.
Although he was unavailable for comment, Donald Rumsfeld's Commander in Chief has apparently also lost the Vulcan Vote.
The United States has been a house divided since George W. Bush took office four years ago and no matter who wins this upcoming election, my Magic 8 Ball doesn't predict any change in the political and cultural divisions that define and shape this great nation.
If you want to rip some graphics to remind the people that visit your blog or web site to go vote on Election Day, then you're looking at the right blog entry.
I made these banner graphics just for you. They don't tell you who to vote for, but hopefully they'll remind you and your visitors to vote.
Some people get so angry with me because I don't happen to like George W. Bush. That's okay. I didn't vote for his father either.
Other than being sarcastic and making fun of George Bush on a regular basis, these angry people seem to miss that I've also made fun of John Kerry, too -- perhaps not as often as the current liar-and-thief -- but they miss it when they're so pre-occupied being offended and launching themselves into Dubya-defense mode.
And they miss something else, too. Do you see a Kerry-Edwards, Bush-Cheney, Badnarik or Nader campaign banner on my blog? No, you see an online voter registration tool that's been there for months.
You can also see a Blog The Vote link that takes you to a blog entry with the other graphics I made for anyone to use on their website or blog.
This "Gamerz Vote" animation is 160 x 320 pixels (100kb). I used a transparent color, so if it doesn't look good on your site, stick it inside of a table and modify the table background color to something you think looks good. The non-animated GIF version of "Gamerz Vote" is also transparent, but only 9kb in size. You can right-click your mouse on the grafix, view its properties (dimensions and file size) or select save-as to copy the image to your own computer. So, feel free to do that.
If I make any more, I'll add them here. Meanwhile, you go take a happy pill. Please!
Some say they had 537 reasons to vote early in Florida yesterday. Even though Florida in just one of the thirty two states that allowed early voting before the November 2nd election day, Florida is a focal point once again. In a state of some 17 million residents, George Bush was found to have carried the sunshine state by only 537 votes in the 2000 presidential election. This gave Bush Florida's 27 electoral college votes and the presidency. This too, after the country agonized for over a month as the ballots were recounted, hanging chads scrutinized, and Florida quickly became the object of any derogatory political joke.
With public opinion polls indicating that 2004 will also be a very close race, each and every vote counts. Some people are also saying that after the voting recount debacle of 2000 in Florida that wasn't resolved until the Supreme Court of the United States settled it 5-4 in favor of Bush, they aren't taking any chances this time around. Both Democrats and Republicans are urging some of their faithful to vote using an absentee ballot in order to create a paper trail of their vote.
Florida is considered to be a so-called battleground state. According to CNN, both the RNC and DNC are spending millions of dollars each week in Florida. Both Bush and Kerry have made over a dozen trips to Florida. Both candidates, or their running mate, or their spouse, or their family member was in Florida campaigning yesterday and/or is also here today. President Bush is scheduled to speak at rally about a mile away this afternoon.
It's still warm enough outside to wear a T-shirt here in Florida, unlike some areas of the country. So, if you plan on going to a candidate's campaign rally or head out the door to cast your vote early, make sure you are wearing a good T-shirt. If you don't have a good T-shirt to wear yet, get yourself some effin' gear!
Martha Stewart did go to prison, though. While she hasn't opted for any prison tats that I think would be fun yet, she has made it a point to let everyone know she's doing well at Camp Cupcake. In an open letter to her apprentice divas, Martha says:
The camp is fine; it is pretty much what I anticipated. The best news -- everyone is nice -- both the officials and my fellow inmates. I have adjusted and am very busy. The camp is like an old-fashioned college campus -- without the freedom, of course.
That's a relief. I was having trouble sleeping from worrying about Martha. Worried Sick.
In other Forehead Logo Branding news, some Michael Jackson fans are having a tizzy over Eminem's parody portrayal of MJ in the "Just Lose It" video. In a recent press release, K. C. Arceneaux, Ph.D, absolutely stunned me with the revelation that "The Constitution of the United States was framed before there was any conception of the light bulb, radio, internet, or Black Entertainment Television (BET), MTV or CNN, to name just a few stunning examples."
Dr. Arceneaux goes on to warn us all how the first amendment is being perverted and the media characterizations of Michael Jackson are tantamount to an obstruction of justice.
The press release speaks on behalf of the MJ Redemption Team, an all volunteer group whose mission is "revealing the truth about the child molestation allegations against Michael Jackson" and "to provide information that will lead to the exoneration and redemption of Michael Jackson the man, humanitarian, and philanthropist."
Black Entertainment Television didn't give the MJ Redemption Team any credit for their decision to yank Eminem's video from BET's rotation. They said they pulled it because of the long history of the relationship between management and Michael Jackson. BET staff writer, Chuck "Jigsaw" Creekmur, does mention that Eminem also makes fun of Madonna and M C Hammer in the video, and that Hammer is planning to retaliate with a record that makes fun of Eminem.
Even more disturbing than new music from M C Hammer, is simply making shit up, a journalistic practice of which Geraldo Rivera seems to be so fond. On FOX News Network, Geraldo Rivera was playing the race card loudly At Large. He even drummed up Reverend Jesse Jackson to bring racism into the topic of discussion while showing old photographs of black-faced Sambo actors.
To get to the bottom of this controversy, I went to my secret source of journalistic integrity. On my short list, just after the Memory Hole and the Smoking Gun, is Teen Music -- a pillar of the Teen Hollywood Web Network.
Teen Music points out that CHiPs TV star Erik Estrada, Pee Wee Herman, and even Paris Hilton are in the "Just Lose It" video. They're obviously playing cartoon caricatures of themselves. Perhaps it is because Michael Jackson is so busy with real legal charges of child molestation he has lost his own sense of humor and remains hunkered down at the Never Land Ranch.
Maybe Michael Jackson is simply in denial of the reality of his celebrity, a reality recently embraced by William Shatner, Star Trek's Captain James T. Kirk.
Marshall Mathers, on the other hand, is a very busy boy, but does take time to ask whether Michael Jackson has the right to pull the Eminem video off the air. The Detroit News reports that Sirius Satellite radio will be cranking up a new uncensored hiphop channel called Shade 45. The Shady National Convention will be in NYC on October 28th to promote it. Interscope says Eminem's "Encore" CD will be in stores on November 16th.
If you can't wait until then for some politically-incorrect hiphop, you can always download my latest example of digital audio masturbation below (4.87 MB).