Some say they had 537 reasons to vote early in Florida yesterday. Even though Florida in just one of the thirty two states that allowed early voting before the November 2nd election day, Florida is a focal point once again. In a state of some 17 million residents, George Bush was found to have carried the sunshine state by only 537 votes in the 2000 presidential election. This gave Bush Florida's 27 electoral college votes and the presidency. This too, after the country agonized for over a month as the ballots were recounted, hanging chads scrutinized, and Florida quickly became the object of any derogatory political joke.
With public opinion polls indicating that 2004 will also be a very close race, each and every vote counts. Some people are also saying that after the voting recount debacle of 2000 in Florida that wasn't resolved until the Supreme Court of the United States settled it 5-4 in favor of Bush, they aren't taking any chances this time around. Both Democrats and Republicans are urging some of their faithful to vote using an absentee ballot in order to create a paper trail of their vote.
Florida is considered to be a so-called battleground state. According to CNN, both the RNC and DNC are spending millions of dollars each week in Florida. Both Bush and Kerry have made over a dozen trips to Florida. Both candidates, or their running mate, or their spouse, or their family member was in Florida campaigning yesterday and/or is also here today. President Bush is scheduled to speak at rally about a mile away this afternoon.
It's still warm enough outside to wear a T-shirt here in Florida, unlike some areas of the country. So, if you plan on going to a candidate's campaign rally or head out the door to cast your vote early, make sure you are wearing a good T-shirt. If you don't have a good T-shirt to wear yet, get yourself some effin' gear!
Martha Stewart did go to prison, though. While she hasn't opted for any prison tats that I think would be fun yet, she has made it a point to let everyone know she's doing well at Camp Cupcake. In an open letter to her apprentice divas, Martha says:
The camp is fine; it is pretty much what I anticipated. The best news -- everyone is nice -- both the officials and my fellow inmates. I have adjusted and am very busy. The camp is like an old-fashioned college campus -- without the freedom, of course.
That's a relief. I was having trouble sleeping from worrying about Martha. Worried Sick.
In other Forehead Logo Branding news, some Michael Jackson fans are having a tizzy over Eminem's parody portrayal of MJ in the "Just Lose It" video. In a recent press release, K. C. Arceneaux, Ph.D, absolutely stunned me with the revelation that "The Constitution of the United States was framed before there was any conception of the light bulb, radio, internet, or Black Entertainment Television (BET), MTV or CNN, to name just a few stunning examples."
Dr. Arceneaux goes on to warn us all how the first amendment is being perverted and the media characterizations of Michael Jackson are tantamount to an obstruction of justice.
The press release speaks on behalf of the MJ Redemption Team, an all volunteer group whose mission is "revealing the truth about the child molestation allegations against Michael Jackson" and "to provide information that will lead to the exoneration and redemption of Michael Jackson the man, humanitarian, and philanthropist."
Black Entertainment Television didn't give the MJ Redemption Team any credit for their decision to yank Eminem's video from BET's rotation. They said they pulled it because of the long history of the relationship between management and Michael Jackson. BET staff writer, Chuck "Jigsaw" Creekmur, does mention that Eminem also makes fun of Madonna and M C Hammer in the video, and that Hammer is planning to retaliate with a record that makes fun of Eminem.
Even more disturbing than new music from M C Hammer, is simply making shit up, a journalistic practice of which Geraldo Rivera seems to be so fond. On FOX News Network, Geraldo Rivera was playing the race card loudly At Large. He even drummed up Reverend Jesse Jackson to bring racism into the topic of discussion while showing old photographs of black-faced Sambo actors.
To get to the bottom of this controversy, I went to my secret source of journalistic integrity. On my short list, just after the Memory Hole and the Smoking Gun, is Teen Music -- a pillar of the Teen Hollywood Web Network.
Teen Music points out that CHiPs TV star Erik Estrada, Pee Wee Herman, and even Paris Hilton are in the "Just Lose It" video. They're obviously playing cartoon caricatures of themselves. Perhaps it is because Michael Jackson is so busy with real legal charges of child molestation he has lost his own sense of humor and remains hunkered down at the Never Land Ranch.
Maybe Michael Jackson is simply in denial of the reality of his celebrity, a reality recently embraced by William Shatner, Star Trek's Captain James T. Kirk.
Marshall Mathers, on the other hand, is a very busy boy, but does take time to ask whether Michael Jackson has the right to pull the Eminem video off the air. The Detroit News reports that Sirius Satellite radio will be cranking up a new uncensored hiphop channel called Shade 45. The Shady National Convention will be in NYC on October 28th to promote it. Interscope says Eminem's "Encore" CD will be in stores on November 16th.
If you can't wait until then for some politically-incorrect hiphop, you can always download my latest example of digital audio masturbation below (4.87 MB).
I don't know how widely known this one may be. But, I did a little digging myself today and found something that will most certainly become the public relations nightmare on top of a soon-to-be never-ending public relations nightmare for Bill O'Reilly.
As far as smoking guns rate, this is a Thunderstoms double-barrelled shotgun, shoved deep inside O'Reilly's own pompous and arrogant mouth, and the smell of the blast is wafting through the humid night air.
Below is my own hand-typed transcript of an audio file of Bill O'Reilly narrating his own novel, Those Who Trespass. In light of O'Reilly's alleged sex scandal, it is absolutely amazing that he wrote these words and it is absolutely creepy to hear them read aloud, in O'Reilly's own voice:
As Ron Costello saw it, the night-time media party in Edgartown provided him a wide-open window of opportunity, one he could make the most of. For he was frustrated, and fed up, and what he badly needed was to satisfy a basic human need. The need for some kind of physical release.
Chasing the Clintons around the resort island of Martha's Vineyard, looking on as a cracker first-family acted out its vacation in front of millions, was not just tiring for him, but unnecessary. When a family, even the first family, went golfing, boating and horseback riding, it was hardly news worthy. And Costello was, afterall, the chief whitehouse correspondent for the powerful Global News Network -- not some travel narrator for christ's sake -- but here he was, on a GNN assignment he hated, reporting on President Clinton and family, eating barbeque.
The jazzy voice of the singer Sade wafted through the humid night air, and Ron Costello pursed his thin lips and sized up the situation. Already in his sights was a pretty camera woman, light-headed from too much vodka. Costello felt he had a real chance with this young woman, who was now walking toward the makeshift bar located in the corner of the front porch.
Surely this babe was impressed with his resume. He had been a correspondent with GNN for 26 years. The power and prestige of his job brought him big-time perks, like the attention of young women eager to advance in the arbitrary world of television news.
And when I say Ron Costello, I mean Bill O'Reilly. And when I say GNN, I mean FOX.
This is priceless. He narrated the death of his own career. Right this very moment, I bet he wishes he could just take a vacation at Camp Cupcake with Marth Stewart -- rather than have to deal with the humilation that is brewing on the horizon like an angry and career-destroying thunderstorm.
I've had a whole day in which to think about my overall impressions of the final presidential debate. I've watched a little television, read some articles, and thought about what people have been saying and writing. I think the most descriptive and concise statement characterizing the final presidential debate is by William Rivers Pitt:
There was a statesman and a salesman on that debate stage on Wednesday night. Kerry, the statesman, was calm and clear, in command of the facts, and not afraid to stare into the camera at the American people and tell some hard truths. Bush, the salesman, left behind the muddled foolishness of the first debate and the screaming histrionics of the second debate, in favor of an aw-shucks smirk and a series of ill-timed snickers that makes one truly wonder if he knows his job is on the line. All the pundits agreed that Bush, having lost the first two debates, needed to dominate during this third and final meeting. He failed completely to do so.
Still, no one has stated the obvious thing. During the debate, president Bush was clearly channeling the infamous American Idol contestant, William Hung.
Today, the vice president's wife, Lynne Cheney, called John Kerry a bad man or something. She said he employed a tawdry political tactic by mentioning their daughter; the fact that she's a lesbian. Are the Cheney's ashamed of their daughter? Only a guilt-ridden social conservative would think there was anything derogatory at all about that.
In the course of my own spirit channeling and in other family values related comments, my dead mother was pleased to hear that John Kerry remembers what his own dead mother told him about Integrity.
She also reminded me to buy a package of condoms, just in case I wanted to enlist in one of George Bush's Armies of Compassion that will be spreading democracy around the world. She said some quick, unsolicited compassion is okay, but that I should protect myself against any sexually transmitted democracy.