John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica

 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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JfZ making a mess of the web
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Tuesday, October 14, 2003
There's no free peeking at the Pelt Room, Pecker!

I just watched Pecker, written and directed by John Waters in 1998.  It stars Edward Furlong, as Pecker, and Christina Ricci as his girlfriend.

This movie made me laugh out loud each time I watched it.  I watched it several times this week so far.  I found myself discovering something new that cracked me up every time, having Pecker moments.

It a simple story of a man and his camera.  He takes pictures of anything in his everyday life around his blue collar neighborhood in Hampden, outside of Baltimore.  While showing his work at the sub shop where he works, a NYC gallery owner happens along, and a star is born.

The comedy of Pecker are the great characters in his family and how fame and celebrity can change your life (for better or worse).  The dialogue is delivered in small grand statements and it reminded me of the Wizard of Oz, in a way.

So, if you need a good laugh, buy or rent Pecker ... and look for some happy pubic hair near you some time soon.  Before you comment on the similarities of my matrix self-portrait at the top of the side panel and the video cover art, at least go watch the movie first.  Although, it wouldn't be the first time someone called me a Pecker.


Monday, October 13, 2003

I stumbled upon another blog that has a Question Of The Day.  Now, I feel that this is a cool idea ... unfortunately, I'm personally not that inquisitive on a daily basis.  I'm far too lazy to think of a new question for thunderstorms everyday.

Just in case you're staring at a blank sheet of paper or an empty text box and need some mental prompting to get your creative side crankin', here's the question:

What is your favorite peripheral?

I would have to say my favorite peripheral is the little Logitech Clicksmart 510 digital camera.  It's simple to use.  Turn it on. Take some pix.  Connect it to the USB port cable and press the glowing green button.  The software comes up, I hit OK several times, and the visuals of my so-called life are magically transferred to the PC.

Since I no longer have to keep slips of numbered paper receipts around and pay to have photos developed, I take way too many pix.  I've even taken a picture of vomit -- because I could.  I editted the photo in Paint, added some cactus, and voila: A desert landscape.

All that fun and the camera was free when I bought the Dell.  You can't ask for much more in a peripheral, or in life.

Monday, October 06, 2003
Fickle Chix - now comes in apple, berry and redneck

Fucking Fickle.  Say that three-times-fast.  Go ahead, it's fun.  Fuckin' fickle,  Fuckin' fickle,  Fuckin' fickle!

So I've been listening to a pretty cool set of tunes from Sublime's Sublime CD.  I got it from a friend.  I burned it and then had to look up just who the hell it was that played it.  The CD art was of little help.  It was just some cartoon that looked like someone pulled out the reader's response card out of an old Plop! comic book.

So fickle.  I drove around the corner to visit and talk with my new friend.  Her mom is waiting for her in the parking lot of her workplace.  I say "Hi!" and exchange pleasantries with her mom.  Five minutes earlier, my friend had just whispered conspiratorially to me that she wanted to stop by my place after work, burn a pinner, and BS over a couple of beers.  She is pissed off because the guy supposed to be at work at 9pm hasn't shown up for his shift yet.  He's 20 minutes late.  So, I get all happy thinking that my friend is going to hang out with me tonight.  I mean, she's very cute and fun to be with.

Then she changes her mind in three minutes and starts making excuses.  She's going to hang out with this John dude who lives on her street instead.  She needs to vent majorly and she likes to bitch and moan about life-in-general being a shit hole with him.  What the fuck?!  I'm feeling seriously shot down so I ask her, "What?  Don't you think I can handle a little venting?"  Oh, but he is having some problems with his squeeze too so he'll understand the whole "He/She is being a jerk to me conversation", I guess.  Puh-lease!  I came within a tiny pause in my mind-mouth mechanism from telling her to go to hell right then and there.

It's like, "Oh excuse me, I have to put you on hold because I have call-waiting and someone just beeped in who I'd rather talk to more than you".  How nice for me.

Hmmm. What to do, what to do?  Plan BMy other friend is planning on coming over Tuesday morning.
"Every married woman has a backdoor man" --
Louisiana Red

I think to myself: So, okay -- fine.  Just look forward to that scheduled rendezvous then.  I have plans to break in my newly grown goatee between her seriously yummy thighs anyway.  Sunny-side up. So try to be happy tonight.

Heh. And she just called.  "Resend that yummy .jpg of you by the pool again", she says.  No problem ;)


Sunday, September 21, 2003
This is the Imajica Fast Forward File v.01

Have you ever noticed that when people find something interesting, hilarious, or disconcerting in their email inbox, they feel utterly compelled to pass it along to everyone they know?  The Imajica Fast Forward File is where I get to comment on the jokes, animated GIFs, virus alerts and the all-out general warnings about the sky falling that slip into my email inbox.

F3 v.01
[cut here]

This is a real eye opener into the attitudes in hollywood...


If more of us took a stand maybe we could have some decent TV programs.  -- Jim Neugent is a coach in Childress, Texas.

Jim writes:
My name is Jim Neugent. I wrote to ABC (on-line) concerning a program called "THE PRACTICE." In last nights episode, one of the lawyer's mothers decided she is gay and wanted her son to go to court and help her get a marriage license so she could marry her 'partner.' !  I sent the following letter to ABC yesterday and really did not expect a reply, but I did get one.

My original message was:
ABC is obsessed (or should I say abscessed) with the subject of homosexuality. I will no longer watch any of your attempts to convince the world that homosexuality is OK. The Practice can be a fairly good show, but last night's program was so typical of your agenda. You picked the 'dufus' of the office to be the one who was against the idea of his mother being gay and made him  look like a whiner because he had convictions. This type of mentality calls people like me a "gay basher."  Read the first chapter of Romans (that's in the Bible) and see what the apostle Paul had to say about it.  He, God and Jesus were all 'gay bashers'. What if she'd fallen in love with her cocker spaniel?  Is that an alternative lifestyle?  (By the way,
the Bible speaks against that, too.)
                           --Jim Neugent

Here is ABC's reply from the ABC on-line webmaster:

How about getting your nose out of the Bible (which is ONLY a book of stories compiled by MANY different writers hundreds of years ago) and read the declaration of independence (what our nation is built on), where it says "All Men are Created equal," and try treating them that way for a change! Or better yet, try thinking for yourself and stop using an archaic book of stories as your lame crutch for your existence. You are in minority in this country and your boycott will not affect us or our freedom of statement.

Jim Neugent's second response to ABC:

Thanks for your reply. From your harsh reply, evidently I hit a nerve.  I will share it with all with whom I come in contact.  Hopefully, the Arkansas Democrat Newspaper will include it in one of their columns and I will be praying for you.
                           - -Jim Neugent

Note: Wouldn't Satan just love it if people stopped using the Bible for a crutch?

Please resend this to everyone in your mailbox.

                           -- Thanks, Jim Neugent

I wonder if the person from ABC considered how many people would read this e-mail! This is one we should definitely pass on.

[cut here]

Imajica Fast Forward File v.01

Now it seems to me that since I know one person in this argument is named Jim, I should also be told who the peckerwood at ABC is in this correspondence, right?  Not naming the person leaves some questions in my mind that make me think that this whole episode of Jerry Springer could be bogus along the lines of a ranting nut job.

I don't like to get into a discussion based on 3rd party forwarded emails -- I usually delete them out of my email inbox and dismiss it out of hand.  But since I was in christian seminary class at 6am everyday for four years during high school, why not?  Some people might argue a heirarchy of commandments and verses such as the new testament might supercede old testament instructions on how to be a happy human being so I'll stick the old testament. 

First, since it well could be a huge pile of steaming compost in the first place, I'm reminded of this concept:

Exodus 20:16
"You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor."

Now, both correspondants seem to have a very hard heart in this matter.  The ABC representative is particularly snotty and bigotted.  I have seen more professionalism and thought toward customer service from a Walmart greeter making near minimum wage than this ABC rep seems to have displayed. However, old Jim gets a little testy, too.  And, unfortunately for him, he is THE christian and not the ABC rep, so he gets -800 Imajica points for not bothering to live by his own religion and casting stones and all.

Leviticus 19:17
"Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt."

Jim still needs to read his bible before tossing around verses like beads at Mardi Gras, imho.  And, Jim's interaction on the topic of homosexuality with the ABC rep doesn't make the rest of the christians look too learned or neighborly.  First gain understanding and then gain wisdom, I think it goes.  Then, of course, there is the bibical trump card of bigotry:

Leviticus 19:18
"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."

And so it goes.  If christianity is your belief, you have the burden to live by its tenets and commandments.  The ABC representative doesn't have that responsibility nor does any brain-dead couch potato who happens to like to watch ABC's mind-numbing shows like "The Practice".

Thus, let it be known hence forth and forever.  I command thee to go forth upon the face of the earth and let it be known to all races, creeds, tribes and in all the multitude of the tongues of man that this endeth v0.1 of the Imajica Fast Forward File.Amen.


Friday, September 19, 2003
Bikini Car Wash

I drive a pickup truck.  I only wash my vehicle about every 3 months or so.  I consider it to be a work truck.  It probably has dust in it from my days working masonry in the Detroit area.  It is historical dust -- it may have some anthropological value.  I usually wait until the dust bunnies in my purple pickup truck resemble Erykah Badu's afro before I become aware that it is time to clean it.  Today, I figure it was about time to clean the truck if I ever planned to take a woman out on a date in it.

First, I dug around under the seats for quarters.  I knew I had some change rattling around down in the nether worlds of the truck because I had hastily dumped everything out of the middle console when I was making room for someone to slide over closer to me one night last week.  There is hardly anything more disgusting than a pile of coins sticky with truck-mung with dusty dimes hairier than Robin Williams' chest from carpet lint.  Speaking of Mork, check out Pam Dawber (as Mindy) back in 1978.  Babe-a-licious.  She once walked into my 7th grade health class because she was a friend of our teacher.  Scha-wing!  7th-graders with wood -- is there anything more obnoxious?!  Yes.  An old guy who dumps everything out of the middle console onto the truck floor because he thinks he's going to get some.

Prying apart a few quarters, I then drove down to the car wash.  I pulled the truck up to the big, shiny cylinder that resembled a Dalek from BBC's Dr. Who and whispered to the truck, "I'll try to be gentle", as it was probably the first time my truck has been so close to such a device.

The whole experience of vacuuming and then shampooing the carpeting in my truck was disconcerting.  It's very stressful.  Once you put your quarters in the machine and it immediately roars to life, you've got to rush around and beat the clock.  I felt like I was on some juvenile Japanese game show ... The Manga Power Sucky-Suck show.  I had to move the seats forward and vacuum.  I had to move the seats all the way back and vacuum.  Then, I tried to use the Shampoo Dalek but had the Vacuum Dalek's hose in the truck and the shampoo hose was still hanging up, instantly spewing out more white foam all over the place than the Hedge Hog ever did in his entire lurid career.

After the truck smelled better and some of the anthropological coffee stains were removed from the carpeting, I pulled into the car wash bay.  I stopped short.  WTF?!  I jiggled the stick shift into neutral, hopped out of my truck and stood in front of it, staring.  A wad of bills!  I found five singles laying in the wash bay!!  And then, Mira!  A ten dollar bill, too! 

I washed my truck with a glee that only comes from opening cool birthday gifts.


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