Have you ever noticed that when people find something interesting, hilarious, or disconcerting in their email inbox, they feel utterly compelled to pass it along to everyone they know? The Imajica Fast Forward File is where I get to comment on the jokes, animated GIFs, virus alerts and the all-out general warnings about the sky falling that slip into my email inbox.
F3 v.01 [cut here]
This is a real eye opener into the attitudes in hollywood...
TV PROGRAM "THE PRACTICE"
If more of us took a stand maybe we could have some decent TV programs. -- Jim Neugent is a coach in Childress, Texas.
Jim writes: My name is Jim Neugent. I wrote to ABC (on-line) concerning a program called "THE PRACTICE." In last nights episode, one of the lawyer's mothers decided she is gay and wanted her son to go to court and help her get a marriage license so she could marry her 'partner.' ! I sent the following letter to ABC yesterday and really did not expect a reply, but I did get one.
My original message was: ABC is obsessed (or should I say abscessed) with the subject of homosexuality. I will no longer watch any of your attempts to convince the world that homosexuality is OK. The Practice can be a fairly good show, but last night's program was so typical of your agenda. You picked the 'dufus' of the office to be the one who was against the idea of his mother being gay and made him look like a whiner because he had convictions. This type of mentality calls people like me a "gay basher." Read the first chapter of Romans (that's in the Bible) and see what the apostle Paul had to say about it. He, God and Jesus were all 'gay bashers'. What if she'd fallen in love with her cocker spaniel? Is that an alternative lifestyle? (By the way, the Bible speaks against that, too.) --Jim Neugent
Here is ABC's reply from the ABC on-line webmaster:
How about getting your nose out of the Bible (which is ONLY a book of stories compiled by MANY different writers hundreds of years ago) and read the declaration of independence (what our nation is built on), where it says "All Men are Created equal," and try treating them that way for a change! Or better yet, try thinking for yourself and stop using an archaic book of stories as your lame crutch for your existence. You are in minority in this country and your boycott will not affect us or our freedom of statement.
Jim Neugent's second response to ABC:
Thanks for your reply. From your harsh reply, evidently I hit a nerve. I will share it with all with whom I come in contact. Hopefully, the Arkansas Democrat Newspaper will include it in one of their columns and I will be praying for you. - -Jim Neugent
Note: Wouldn't Satan just love it if people stopped using the Bible for a crutch?
Please resend this to everyone in your mailbox.
-- Thanks, Jim Neugent
I wonder if the person from ABC considered how many people would read this e-mail! This is one we should definitely pass on.
Imajica Fast Forward File v.01
Now it seems to me that since I know one person in this argument is named Jim, I should also be told who the peckerwood at ABC is in this correspondence, right? Not naming the person leaves some questions in my mind that make me think that this whole episode of Jerry Springer could be bogus along the lines of a ranting alt.conspiracy.black.helicopters nut job.
I don't like to get into a discussion based on 3rd party forwarded emails -- I usually delete them out of my email inbox and dismiss it out of hand. But since I was in christian seminary class at 6am everyday for four years during high school, why not? Some people might argue a heirarchy of commandments and verses such as the new testament might supercede old testament instructions on how to be a happy human being so I'll stick the old testament.
First, since it well could be a huge pile of steaming compost in the first place, I'm reminded of this concept:
Exodus 20:16 "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor."
Now, both correspondants seem to have a very hard heart in this matter. The ABC representative is particularly snotty and bigotted. I have seen more professionalism and thought toward customer service from a Walmart greeter making near minimum wage than this ABC rep seems to have displayed. However, old Jim gets a little testy, too. And, unfortunately for him, he is THE christian and not the ABC rep, so he gets -800 Imajica points for not bothering to live by his own religion and casting stones and all.
Leviticus 19:17 "Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt."
Jim still needs to read his bible before tossing around verses like beads at Mardi Gras, imho. And, Jim's interaction on the topic of homosexuality with the ABC rep doesn't make the rest of the christians look too learned or neighborly. First gain understanding and then gain wisdom, I think it goes. Then, of course, there is the bibical trump card of bigotry:
Leviticus 19:18 "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD."
And so it goes. If christianity is your belief, you have the burden to live by its tenets and commandments. The ABC representative doesn't have that responsibility nor does any brain-dead couch potato who happens to like to watch ABC's mind-numbing shows like "The Practice".
Thus, let it be known hence forth and forever. I command thee to go forth upon the face of the earth and let it be known to all races, creeds, tribes and in all the multitude of the tongues of man that this endeth v0.1 of the Imajica Fast Forward File.Amen.
I drive a pickup truck. I only wash my vehicle about every 3 months or so. I consider it to be a work truck. It probably has dust in it from my days working masonry in the Detroit area. It is historical dust -- it may have some anthropological value. I usually wait until the dust bunnies in my purple pickup truck resemble Erykah Badu's afro before I become aware that it is time to clean it. Today, I figure it was about time to clean the truck if I ever planned to take a woman out on a date in it.
First, I dug around under the seats for quarters. I knew I had some change rattling around down in the nether worlds of the truck because I had hastily dumped everything out of the middle console when I was making room for someone to slide over closer to me one night last week. There is hardly anything more disgusting than a pile of coins sticky with truck-mung with dusty dimes hairier than Robin Williams' chest from carpet lint. Speaking of Mork, check out Pam Dawber (as Mindy) back in 1978. Babe-a-licious. She once walked into my 7th grade health class because she was a friend of our teacher. Scha-wing! 7th-graders with wood -- is there anything more obnoxious?! Yes. An old guy who dumps everything out of the middle console onto the truck floor because he thinks he's going to get some.
Prying apart a few quarters, I then drove down to the car wash. I pulled the truck up to the big, shiny cylinder that resembled a Dalek from BBC's Dr. Who and whispered to the truck, "I'll try to be gentle", as it was probably the first time my truck has been so close to such a device.
The whole experience of vacuuming and then shampooing the carpeting in my truck was disconcerting. It's very stressful. Once you put your quarters in the machine and it immediately roars to life, you've got to rush around and beat the clock. I felt like I was on some juvenile Japanese game show ... The Manga Power Sucky-Suck show. I had to move the seats forward and vacuum. I had to move the seats all the way back and vacuum. Then, I tried to use the Shampoo Dalek but had the Vacuum Dalek's hose in the truck and the shampoo hose was still hanging up, instantly spewing out more white foam all over the place than the Hedge Hog ever did in his entire lurid career.
After the truck smelled better and some of the anthropological coffee stains were removed from the carpeting, I pulled into the car wash bay. I stopped short. WTF?! I jiggled the stick shift into neutral, hopped out of my truck and stood in front of it, staring. A wad of bills! I found five singles laying in the wash bay!! And then, Mira! A ten dollar bill, too!
I washed my truck with a glee that only comes from opening cool birthday gifts.
My mom died yesterday afternoon around 3:30pm. My brother and I were with her in the ICU at LRMC when the call sounded for "Code Blue, ICU room 2". The nurse was explaining to us that they were just getting mom settled into the room when she stopped in mid-sentence and her eyes got huge. I said, "Hey, I think that code blue is for mom ..."
Her doctor, Dr. Roque, had just changed her status back to full code from Do Not Resusitate when she died. After I had been fighting the hospital and doctors for several days to maintain her wishes on that issue, it was too late. She made it through the weekend, but had to stop fighting the inevitable outcome. She had been suffering with Chronic Obstructive Pulmunary Disease for several years. COPD is no picnic. A person with COPD will feel like they are drowning when they simply can not get air in their lungs. A drowning person panics and it's a vicious circle of shortness of breath and anxiety, each feeding the cycle and making the situation worse. If your Mommy tells you quit smoking cigarettes, take her advice and quit. If you can't breathe, you will certainly die.
I had been taking care of her for the last several years. Everytime I said, "Bye, Mom, I'll see you tomorrow" when visiting her in the hospital or nursing home, I was preparing myself that she might not be alive the next day. I'd give her a kiss on the forehead, and leave. Now, it just photographs, flowers and sincere condolences. The people that knew mom will miss her.
I live in Central Florida. The weather here is interesting and rarely boring. Every afternoon in the Summer, the Atlantic Ocean's Sea Breeze collides with the Gulf Breeze over my house and creates tall cumulous clouds and Popcorn Storms. As I am trying to get some exercise time in the swimming pool everyday, I can watch these so-called Breezes collide, slide over and under each other, and build into Thunderstorms from the sub-tropical heat of the afternoon.
Sometimes, just like relationships, these fascinating clouds build into loud, troublesome thunderstorms. Florida is known to be the lightning capital of the world. How nice for me.
This week and next is considered by historical meteorological data to be the peak of Hurricane Season. Storms get whipped up west of Africa and develope into Tropical Depressions, then Hurricanes. They wander the Atlantic drunkenly, but generally West, until one or two of these troublesome storms decide to slam into the United States with all the logic of some brain-washed Al-Qaeda zealot. Just in case September were scheduled to be a boring month, the planet Mars somehow decided to move as close to Earth as has ever been known in recorded history. Why?
Last month, a woman got a crush on me. I see her at her work during the week and decided to make friends with her. But, she has the hots for me. So, let's review the Imajica chart of common sense:
How available is this woman? She's vocally unhappily married but she still lives with her husband.
Is she attractive? She's very cute. She's slim. She's active.
Does she have a pulse? She's in her early 30's and at the peak of her sexual desire.
How long has it been since you've been laid? Longer than is necessary to become a monk.
So, what's the problem here? First, she's married and living with her husband. Didn't I mention that already?
Second, she has two small children who are continuously sick and although she works, she's financially immature and couldn't come up with $100 to save her own life the day after her pay day.
What are you going to do? Try like hell not to get struck by lightning.