John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica



 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Top of the 8th Inning


Bill Clinton signed baseball
It's not quite August, the 8th month of the year, but now it is the top of the 8th inning for the Game of Politix.  Our Summer has been the least relaxing 7th inning stretch away from politics in decades because it's difficult for anyone to really look away from the political game while our military is still in Iraq.  The traditional 7th inning song of "Take me out to the ballpark" was sung this summer by the political cult celebrity, Michael Moore, and seems to have been a big hit.  Using almost a Republican ecomonic strategy mirroring the Bush Administration's tax policy, Michael Eisner's Disney gave Moore $16 million dollars to make Fahrenheit 911 but now sees dollar-zero from a film grossing $100+ million because Eisner refused to distribute it apparently for good old boy political reasons.  Seeing as Fahrenheit 911 made exponentially more money than any other Disney film produced this year, Disney stockholders may want to inquire as to the availability of a Kato Kaelin Kottage on Dubya's Crawford ranch for Eisner.  Come this November, both Bush and Eisner may have more time on their hands to be better golf buddies.

In this 8th inning, the Democrats were first up to bat with the Democratic National Convention kicking off last night.  I didn't watch it.  I did watch some reruns and highlights very early this morning on CNN, FOX and MSNBC before the commentary of the mind-numbing morning shows.  A few things come to mind.

First, it appears that unlike some big professional stars in other games, the Clintons are apparently team players.  I may have been mistaken in my previous blog entry earlier this month, Tales from the Crypt, or perhaps the Clintons may have indeed abandoned the author pundits' so-called Clinton Plan described in those novels.

Nonetheless, no matter who you are and no matter what your political ideology is -- you really can't argue with my observation -- there is no denying that Bill Clinton is the Democratic Designated Hitter.  While Al Gore, Jimmy Carter, and others got up to bat last night at the convention, Bubba was successful in batting clean up.

Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, really should stay in the dugout.  I'm not trying to sound sexist, either.  She's just not a good public speaker.  I fell on the floor laughing when MSNBC's Pat Buchanan commented on her speech, saying in his almost Nixon-esque tone, "Her voice was just this side of shrill".

While other pundits are more polite concerning Hillary, Buchanan has a point.  Even though it is often a very difficult task for any female public speaker to express righteous indignation, get angry, or sound verbally forceful without stereotypically sounding hysterical to males in an audience, her performance was better left for the minor league games on the Senate floor.  In my opinion, if Al Gore is a stiff robot, Hillary Clinton has a tenor in her voice and an oratory delivery that makes her sound like a frantic android having a circuit melt-down.

But, Bubba got the Democratic message across  -- beyond Us Good, Bush Bad.  You are going to undoubtedly hear sound bytes from his speech all this week.  The Kerry and Edwards speech writers are likely to incorporate the meat of Bubba's message for their candidates and build on it.  While it's typically a modern Democratic theme when they aren't in power to invoke images of the "We, the people, against King George", it has worked in the past.  Bill Clinton's message of Pluralism vs Unilateralism is especially appropriate given the troubling time in which we currently find ourselves domestically and internationally.

To continue with my lame baseball analogy, watching the news media do their live commentary on stools is friggin' hilarious.  I'm waiting for one of the talking heads to get up and try to incite the Boston crowd milling around behind them to do the Funky Chicken with them.  But, on a less sarcastic note, I thought Ron Reagan did a great job for MSNBC and (annoying) Joe Scarborough should be worried about his hosting job.

ya gotta love ditsy
I'm going to check out Hardblogger now.  If you think I'm rude when I make fun of you in one of my rants, check out Hardblogger to hear the professional talking heads off-camera talking some good old fashion locker room smack about the other media outlets, especially if you like some Bill O'Reilly bashing.  Hardblogger does has a nice blog link list and some interesting photos, as well.  Besides, where else can you hear the MSNBC news bunny, Chris Jansing, whine about losing her umbrella at a security checkpoint. Like, DUH, fer sure, Chris!

Even if you're not into politix, the Democratic National Convention is an important national event.  Whether Kerry-Edwards can use it for enough big mo to win the election remains to be seen.  The Republicans still get their chance at bat in the next inning of the Game of Politix in New York soon.


Monday, July 26, 2004
RNC Watch XML news feed


Sunday, July 25, 2004
TAG board - one foot in the archive


Everyone!  Into the pool!!
So ... why?  Well, I go through the TAG board periodically (or when asked) and delete entries.  Mainly, I delete your entries because it reloads the page periodically or when you add a new tag.  When it gets too large, it takes up bandwidth loading constantly.  My general rule was this: if you put an annoying little smilie emoticon on the TAG, that entry was the first to go when I cleaned house.


The second rule: if the entry was older.  But, the second rule bummed me out because I hate to throw away memories.  So, some entries were deemed to be classics and had to be preserved (like Hygelic reading my blog in the bathroom on his cell phone).

Then, the first and second rules unfortunately clashed when it came to old school phreeks who might put an ascii emoticon at the end of their sentence, like Skennedy (et al).  These people were violating my first unstated rule through no fault of their own, and, because the programmers of the TAG board must have thought to themselves, "how handy-fucking-dandy would it be if we just translated every ascii emoticon to a different happy little yellow face?"  So, they dropped another few hits of Exstacy, patted each other on the back and went back to coding the TAG board.

So, whether it is a good thing or a bad thing -- I've decided to archive the TAG board here for all to see -- and still be able to delete older entries (and keep the TAG.html small) with a clear conscience.

Read 2007 Archive: [Feb][Jan]

Read 2006 Archive: [Dec][Nov][Oct][Sep][Aug][Jul][Jun][May][Apr][Mar][Feb][Jan]

Read 2005 Archive: [Dec][Nov][Oct][Sep][Aug][Jul][Jun][May][Apr][Mar][Feb][Jan]

Read 2004 Archive: [Dec][Nov][Oct][Sep][Aug][Jul][Prior to July 2004]


hcoluver hey
hcoluver hey
ladymaverick nice blog!
Deirdre <3
cutepsycho ei, tnx for the comment.. Im just too sad to give a straight response ryt now.
bbqsurvivor
Parisian15 because of april 17th post
em thought i'd drop by.
Gloria And thanks, J.
Gloria Oh dude, I just realized I mixed up ogee and ogives. I am a terrible student!
J f Z Re: blunt metal object -- Hah! Yep. They don't call that a "come along" for nothing, I guess. It's a 'gettin medieval on yo ass' persuader.
J f Z Yeah. I couldn't leave a comment because of your IP proxy blocking this morning, so I sent the comment via your contact form.
Gloria Anyway, I can't see how you're ever foolish. You just whack your detractors with some kind of blunt metal object.
Gloria J, you read wicked fast.
Authenticia Hey,How goes the battle?
Knucklehead you know my email addy if you want to reply. Thanks again man.
Knucklehead for the poetry contest that I entered in the site that you sugget to me. Poetry.com one. Thanks for telling me about it.
Knucklehead Hey JFZ, just wanted to quickly pop by, and just say that I wanted to tell you that I am a semi finalist for the poem I sent into the contest Free Verse one.
Jen Happy Friday the 13th!!
Deirdre Your comment is so right. And very true.
wailfulrhyme maybe she meant J-Roc from the trailer park boys.
Daveman J rocks? So thats who was throwing rocks through my window! Yew rotten kid! Git outta muh yard! **shakes cane wildly**
Gloria J, you rock.
plh Good friday 2 U & wishing you the best ever Easter! }}}HUGS{{{
J f Z plh: I have nothing left. See comment in 513.
plh im being nosey - but how much did the hospital/doctors and insurance compay soak you for?
Deirdre Someone owes me an e-mail but I'm not naming any names.
Mephala Goofy-looking kids usually grow up to be hot guys.


Authenticia Just poppin by...how are you?
J f Z <-- Heh. No, Mephala ... but I was a goofy-looking little kid, nonetheless.
Mephala Hey John! Is that little boy pouring Kool-Aid you?
Tigerrr oh yeah, aside frpm the fact that I am very drunk and dumped right about now, I love you man. Youre great, keep onm doeing what ur doing..never stop
Tigerrr youre crazy john
Jude Tasty v... *snort, coffee splutter*
Jude <-- Mephala tagged me...thus in the fullness of time, I taggeth'd you.
Jude Damn. Could you delete that tag? This time I'll do it right and not make your tagboard go wonky.
keithoe hmmmm..tasty vagina...
J f Z I'm not anti-bush. I often enjoy a tasty vagina, very munch.
jahri-ann are you anti-bush?
LEI wow, i love your year-round archive! how do you do this?
Daveman I was never here, yu never saw me **black ops ya know**
Deirdre Hi John, hi hi hiiiiiiii! Hi. (:
7oneders Can't believe you nearly did those test tingi!
keithoe you rock
Knucklehead Hey not much, how are you?
Authenticia *ppeeks head in smiles then leaves*
Lorcs Yeah, a plan I hope I can pull off! Hope you're doing well!!
Authenticia Go forth and enjoy your weekend!
J f Z cute ...
sandi pozdrowienia z polski fajny blog
cutepsycho just visiting again...
Tigerrr OMGH thanxx john, if only my ray-bans werent at the shop rite now....do you think they can differentiate between ray-bans and armanis?
Gloria Oh, it's ON, motherfrakker!
chaucer hi.. ijust hope you understand my post its all in TAGALOG languages, anyways.. i find your blog nice too.. have a nice day
WTC I was actually stationed at the bombing range on the left while in the Navy 96-99
WTC I was actually in the navy and stationed at the bombing range in 96-99.
starfish was here again!
Authenticia Hey there!
silent_will whoa lots of pictures and videos here!



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Saturday, July 24, 2004
PiG SHIrT - Learn to Cook


Listen to the PiG: Buy some effin' gear!



Whatever obnoxious thing you may think of for what the PiG says will go into the cartoon word balloon I've put on top of the likeness of that oddly familiar yellow thing (which will remain nameless for legal reasons) that you -- or one of your kids -- may have played with as a small child.

You see, I feel it's my task, duty, and burden to utterly obliterate any remaining happy and innocent childhood memories onto which you might still be clinging.

Other Official Listen to the Pig shirts
 Victoria's Secret  Goodbye Kitty  
 (your idea here?)    

 




We all know some serious PiGs.  If you think you have a good PiG comment, let me know.  Click on the [ Permalink ]  link below and give us your best (or worst) shot.  Your comments could be on the next PiG's shirt when he gets arrested and shown on TV on COPS.


Friday, July 23, 2004
Happiness is a warm gun


I want to eat Mexican
Okay fine. For whatever reason, I know most of you never even bother to click on any of the handy-fucking-dandy links I put in the blog entries, like that polar bear story, which only had two links in it.  That's okay.  Most of the time, I code the links into the story for just me alone anyway.  Just like you are right now, I know anyone likely to be reading Thunderstorms is probably too friggin' stupid to understand that oftentimes the story is totally incomplete without the information learned at the linked site.  If I didn't code links into the pages, the blog entries themselves would have to be even longer if I had to cut-and-paste everything you needed to know into them.  That's just too much baby food news for me to have to process and make anyone eat, I think.

Sucks to be Boris
Hell, I know some of you barely read the blog entry -- that's why I highlight different phrases in orange -- and most of you stupid nocturnal rodents are just relieved that I usually like to include a pretty picture with the blog entry so you don't even have to bother scanning the effin' page for highlighted words.

So what got me on this happy little rant?  Well, my usual reaction to some of the most important or horrific news stories is to lightened it up by being a smart-ass, either with some humorous satire or some angry sarcasm.  But since you don't bother to follow any of the links away from this page anyway, I'm going to put things in the JfZ information blender and then spoon-fucking-feed it to you -- like Gerber's baby food -- because that's obviously how you prefer to ingest your information and it's an excuse to tell you some of the back story on Boris the polar bear.
 

Back in 2002, Boris probably was not the happiest polar bear on the planet.
Instead of frolicking on some ice flow or snow pack in Alaska somewhere, he and six other polar bears were in friggin' Puerto Rico with the Suarez Brothers Circus.  All the bears were suffering and in poor health.  Carla Capalli of the Humane Society of Puerto Rico even recorded a video showing the bears drooling and swaying in 113 degree August heat, without water.

A U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS) investigative team finally acted on the violations of the Marine Mammal Protection Act and one of the polar bears, Alaska, was seized by the USFWS and transferred to the Baltimore Zoo that March.

No, no.  I'm cool now.
It wasn't until November 2002 that the other six polar bears were taken away from the Suarez Brothers Circus.

The Detroit Zoo took in the female bear, Barle, and the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium in Tacoma, WA adopted the polar bears, Kenneth and Boris, who needed the root canal surgeries about which I blogged a year later.  It was the first operation ever performed in the PDZA's new $4.3 million Animal Hospital.  The remaining three male polar bears Wilhelm, Masha and Royale  went to the North Carolina Zoo, in Asheboro, N.C.  Sadly though, Royale died on the trip from San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Besides just trying to make Hygelic laugh once in while, there was another reason that this story had interested me further.  There are no coincidences, just convergent events.

You see, before I came to Florida to help my mom out, I was actually quite proud that I had helped build the Artic Ring of Life at the Detroit Zoo in 2001.  From me to you, happiness is a warm gun but, for polar bears, happiness is probably a typical Detroit winter.

 
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