John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica

 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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Tuesday, July 20, 2004
YCMTSU: Planes, Trains and Bibliophiles

Drinking jet fuel at AA
Get Some Effin' Gear
I feel compelled to follow up on the entry from earlier this month, Drunken Bush God.

Pilot accused of being drunk pleads guilty to misdemeanor

Guess what?!  It's a different plastered pilot from a different commercial airline!  That's why I say, "You Can't Make This Shit Up!".

According to the AP in USA Today: "A former Virgin Atlantic Airways pilot arrested on charges of showing up drunk for work has pleaded guilty to a reduced charge.  Richard Harwell, 55, was arrested Dec. 19 at Washington Dulles International Airport, about 40 miles west of Washington, D.C. At the time, authorities said security screeners smelled liquor on Harwell's breath before the pilot was scheduled to fly 400 people to London on a Boeing 747."

That's just bloody great, eh governor?  Why not check to see if Osama bin Laden is driving the triple decker bus tour around Picadilly Circus now, hmm?

Born-Again Strip Mall Exorcist Gets Five Years

Excerpts from Court TV news by Lisa Sweetingham:

"A jury found minister Ray Hemphill guilty of felony child abuse Friday after he suffocated an 8-year-old child during an exorcism at his strip mall-based church.  Hemphill stared wide-eyed at County Circuit Judge Jean DiMotto as she read the verdict, but he did not speak or betray emotion.  DiMotto set bail at $10,000, and Hemphill was handcuffed and led from the courtroom."

Okay, so I'm satisfied.  It only took the jury 4 hours to decide.

"Terrance's mother, Patricia Cooper, and two other parishioners helped to restrain the child during the exorcism on the night of Aug. 22, 2003.  They were allowed not to testify during the trial after successfully pleading the Fifth Amendment to avoid self-incrimination.  Cooper did not return to the church after her son's death, and she sat on the opposite side of the gallery from the two female parishioners, Monica Tarver and Tamara Tolefree, who joined the defendant's family behind the defense table.  McCann has not decided whether he will charge the three women for their role in Terrance's death."

Remember what I said about the other parishioners?  Well. Hmmm. Worse.
It's uglier - go read the details.

Just in case you think I'm just picking on BACs -- this popped up as a 'related' Googlative advertisement when I searched for exorcism on The Smoking Gun:

Spirit Depossession

You can buy some cool new age stuff for this pesky little problem at Deep Trance Now.  While Spirit Depossession is listed under the Esoteric category with two of my other favorite things, Invisibility and Shape Shifting, you can get some stuff for it.  Here's part of the Deep Trance Now lowdown on Evil Spirits:

"Sometimes a deceased person may remain earthbound due to certain addiction.  A person who liked to drink, upon dying, may charge to the nearest bar.  The problem is now he doesn't have a physical body, so the only way to satisfy the urge for alcohol is by possessing someone else's body."

Holy shit do I know about this!  If only he could have done a Ghost maneuver and dropped a quarter in the pay telephone for a taxi cab for me when I was cross-eyed and drooling on myself, now that would have been great.  I'm no Demi Moore, I guess.  But maybe there was something else going on with me at the bar, like Deep Trance Now Invisibility:

"There were times when I worked in the office or at the casino and needed a break.  I'd use one of the the invisibility techniques and even though all the tables around me were crowded, no one would come to my table - as if it weren't there.  Sometimes I'd be in a room full of people and sometimes just for the fun of it, other times for some specific reason, I'd use one of the invisibility techniques and pass by unnoticed.  It would be really interesting when I'd be sitting on a couch and someone would be looking for me and be unable to see me."

That explains why I could sit belly-up to bar for hours and no one would talk to me, until I decided they could.  Either that, or I'm no Patrick Swayze.

Actually, I remember using a psychological invisibility technique to ride around Germany for free on their trains all the time.
  Here's the JfZ ride-for-free ruse.  The conductor guy would walk the entire length of the train during the time in between stops at the various towns on the route.  When I would board the train, I would immediately go to the dining car.  I'd simply scan the car for a booth where someone had just vacated it but, where the busboy hadn't yet cleared away the dishes and food.  I'd simply sit down in the 'used' booth, pull the half dozen cigarette butts that I'd bring along from my pocket and put them in the ashtray.  Then I'd light up a cigarette butt, leave it smoldering in the ashtray, pick up a fork or the coffee cup, and just stare out the window when the conductor guy walked into the dining car.  He was looking for new people.  Oftentimes, I could see in the window's reflection that he would pause and stare at me.  Common sense would cause him to deduce I must have been there quite a while so he would keep on walking.  The key was never make eye contact.  It always worked.


Monday, July 19, 2004
Monday Madness Mondo Melicious

Happy 0011 0111th Birthday

Happy Birthday, Melicious!

said the Pixel Monkey to the Geek Grrl.

Sunday, July 18, 2004
Dukesville - 2nd amendment

Assault Weapons
Since I'm usually ranting about free speech and privacy, I generally leave it up to others to rant about the 2nd amendment.  I totally support the second amendment but, I'm just not learned enough to be an ardent spokesman for it.

Duke at Dukesville is the person I look to for this issue. I'm just a pixel monkey, really.  If you want a cool dukesville button, just right-click the graphic and select save-as.  If you want the countdown above it, follow the link and get it from their site (so it will be update for you).

You can reload your weapon with my slightly editted link list of web sites I found on the AWbansunset site:

Second Amendment groups and information sites:

RKBA.ORG - Right To Keep And Bear Arms, hosted by Jeff Chan
NRA - National Rifle Association, the preeminent SA group in America
GOA - Gun Owners of America, another strong SA group
Armed Females of America - Very efficacious SA group
Firearms Coalition - Hosted by Neal Knox and his pro-SA group
Packing.Org - Best Concealed Carry (CCW) information site on the web, hosted by Mark Solomon
GMJ Enterprises - More CCW information, this site is hosted by the venerable Jim Mayhugh.
Women to Arms – More women fighting for SA rights
Oregon Council on Firearm Rights – Oregon fighting the AW ban and other anti-gun issues
Keep And Bear Arms – The gun owners' home page! Also, home to the
Coalition Against the Semi-Auto Ban 

Firearms sites - Pro-SA folks and information:

AR15.COM - The infamous boards for the AR afficionado, hosted by Edward and Juan Avila.
Ammo Oracle - The AR15 ammunition FAQ, hosted by the Troy Tiscareno.
The Firing Line - Forums of info, buy, sell, and trade weps. Hosted by Rich Lucibella.
Glock Talk - Another great board where folks can discuss handguns, namely the Glock line. 

Firearms manufacturer and vendor sites: – Classified Ads
Arsenal, Inc - Makers of fine AK-type weapons
Auction Arms Auction site
Bushmaster Firearms Arguably the finest AR-type weapons made
Chestnut Ridge Gun Supply
Claude Hall Gunshows Shows in Vegas and Oklahoma City
Glock Very popular pistols
Gun Broker Auction site Auction site
Gun Finder Search and Buy
Joe & Ken Firearms AK/AR Sales and more
Mossberg Mossberg Fine Combat Shotguns
Olympic Arms AR-type manufacturer
Red Star Arms Improved replacement parts for your AK
Robinson Armament Co. Firearms Mfg and Sales
Rock River Arms Very fine AR-type manufacturer Military Surplus, Gun Parts, Outdoor Gear and More
Nothing But Guns All about the Romanian SAR series of AK-type rifles
Ruger Quality firearms
Sig-Arms High quality pistols
SmartCarry An innovative and comfortable CCW holster
Smith & Wesson Popular pistol manufacturer
Specialized Armament Warehouse Sales of AR-types and parts
Springfield Armory 'Nuff said.
The Gun Store, Inc. Popular attraction in Las Vegas--machine gun rentals
K-VAR Corp The largest supplier of AK-47, AK-74, Krinkov and RPK parts and accessories.
Walther-USA Walther Pistols Great source for all types of gun parts and accessories
Remington Country Remington Firearms

Click for more Attack Cartoons!

Your comments are always appreciated - Make some thunder.

Saturday, July 17, 2004
Hypno Toad Hangover

Click for JfZ's Forehead Logo Branding
I left the Hypno Toad up to mesmerize and irritate all of us long enough now.  I feel a little grouchy after my toad buzz.  I have multiple rants knotting up in my soul like acid reflux.  So, if I were you, I would say a few Hail Mary's, kiss the cross, and duck  -- because my head has stopped twirling around, it's 3:00 A.M, I'm drinking coffee and I'm about to projectile vomit in your direction.

Martha Stewart

Look, we all love Martha.  She helped kick off the 2004 Forehead Logo Branding here at Thunderstorms around the new year.  Back in the beginning of March of this year, we talked about this Brady Bunch era icon when she was found guilty.   I even gave you a Martha Stewart Living ID and password to check out her corporate web site and maintain your anonymity so you wouldn't have to explain to the other people around you why you're receiving tips on folding linen or on sprucing up a friggin' rumpus room.

So now, Martha has finally been sentenced with five months.  Every possible permutation of the Martha story is back in the news.  She is scheduled to appear on CNN's Larry King Live, Monday at 9pm.  I'll probably watch the show just to see what further clueless and inappropriate thing may come leaping forth from her heavily medicated mind.  I heard she inadvertantly compared herself to Nelson Mandela in a recent interview on ABC's 20/20 with Bah-bah Wah-wah:

"I could do it.  I'm a really good camper.  I can sleep on the ground.  There are many, many good people who have gone to prison.  Look at Nelson Mandela."

Oh, Martha!  Can you see now why we make fun of you?

Before you try to point out to me what a mean-spirited bastard I am, know this: I know I am.  If you've been paying attention at all, you humorless idiot, you'd also know I don't care what you think of about me.  Feel free to join me in my daily chant, "I hate everybody and everything.  I hate everything about everybody."  Never forget that this includes you.  Now that we know where we stand, I can share with you my most recent favorite Martha Stewart articles:

Friday, July 16, 2004

All Hail the Hypno Toad !!

And now for something completely different since we've been getting so political and serious lately.  I thought in the interest of full disclosure, I should reveal my true political ideology, bias and loyalty.  Thank sideshow for the link.

You only need to have a sense of humor for a week on the main page.

If the Hypno Toad is really irritating you, causing a rash or you experience dizziness -- you can read Thunderstorms via the Permalinks until the bad nasty Hypno Toad goes away.

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