In Miami - Making a federal case of being stupid drunks
In Miami today, a federal grand jury indicted two former America West pilots for operating a passenger jet airplane while intoxicated. Just hours before the 2002 incident, pilots Cloyd and Hughes were actually videotaped partying in a Coconut Grove district bar, Mister Moe's, until 4:30am when credit card receipts showed that their $142 bar tab was paid. Later that morning, security at Miami International Airport alerted officials that they smelled alcohol on the two pilots and their flight was turned back to the gate before its 10:30am scheduled departure to Phoenix with 124 passengers. Both were still legally drunk later that afternoon when police gave them breathalyzer tests.
I seem to remember Jay Leno making fun of these two idiots for weeks.
In Orlando - Jeb Bush has a Dan Quayle moment
Jeb Bush, Dubya's little brother and governor of Florida, has the math skills of a Republican. The self-described education governor who weaseled a tax-funded private school voucher plan into Florida schools under the FCAT testing system scheme was asked an impromptu FCAT question by a student during a photo op at a local high school. Florida students must pass the FCAT test to graduate high school. Jeb Bush stammered and then mumbled the wrong answer.
The intrepid student, Luana Marques, said she thought to ask the governor the FCAT question as a kind of a joke because she figured since he's the one calling for the use of the controversial FCAT testing, he should be able to pass it. After listening to Jeb Bush launch into a lengthy defense of his FCAT system after he got it wrong, Marques commented, "I think I offended him. I don't think he had much a sense of humor."
Like, DUH, Luana. He's a Bush. They're never wrong.
In Milwaukee - God's mysteries and ignorant fools.
Terrance, who was diagnosed with autism at age 2, hated to be touched and was often unable to express his needs, according to previous testimony. Terrance died after receiving the 12th in a series of prayer services from Ray Hemphill.
The boy's mother, Patricia Cooper, and two other female parishioners told investigators that they made the child lay on his back on the floor of the strip-mall based church. They then helped to restrain him while the defendant laid perpendicular across Terrance's chest for almost two hours, praying and whispering aspersions at the devil into the boy's ear.
David Hemphill, 63, was not in attendance that evening, but he told jurors he gave his brother permission to perform the exorcisms as an attempt to save the boy from what they believed was demonic possession.
Pastor David Hemphill testified Thursday that his brother has the ability to cast out devils and says God claimed the autistic boy's life, not his brother, Ray. If convicted, Ray faces up to five years in prison.
Personally, I think that prison time is the wrong punishment. The entire strip-mall parish should all be neutered, lobotomized or euthanized. Or, maybe it is just God's will that someone should pummel these friggin' idiots' brains in like baby fur seals.
Here are some interesting people whose avatars are on the Art Group Activists:
A F F I L I A T E S :
The storm isn't rumbling today. The lightning bolts are bright and seem to remain. The thunder is coming in like a very bad day in Bagdad ... Air Force Cadet training or something. The last blast made me jump out of my chair. I'll offa here. Talk amongst yourselves...
Here's the deal: Help me think of things The Pig might say, and if it is funny enough, I might just put it on one of Listen to The Pig T-shirts.
Now just to explain a little further:
Pigs are dirty.
Pigs are filthy.
This pig can even be a little naughty.
Like movies, Listen to The Pig Shirts on zazzle can be 'rated' G, PG-13, or R. I plan on putting many Listen to The Pig designs on shirts in each category. So, don't let the rating system inhibit your imagination -- say anything you want -- and I'll deal with the rating of it, if need be.
Here are a few G/PG-13 examples that come to mind as I type this:
Listen to The Pig -- and The Pig says,
"A messy room is the sign of an uncluttered mind"
"A cluttered desk is the hallmark of an executive"
"Those aren't MY socks on the floor, asshole."
"Learn to cook. That's a garbage disposal, not a damn wood chipper!"
"Backhair isn't sexy on your mama."
And you can have the most fun helping out with some R-rated ones.
When I think about the Listen to The Pig design, I imagine some fat sleazy balding guy planted in his NASCAR armchair spilling his can of beer when he jumps up to yell, "C'mon, you bitches! Dance for daddy!!" while watching the national high school cheerleading squad competition on ESPN.
So bookmark this permalink and try to imagine what would that guy, himself, would say -- or what you might say about him.
The bottom image here is a thumbnail of the design I finally was able to finish this morning. I was up all night trying to get what I always envisioned in my twisted little mind for Listen to The Pig idea onto a 1800 by 2100 pixel image.
Whatever obnoxious thing you may think of for what the Pig says will go into the cartoon word balloon I've put on top of the likeness of that oddly familiar yellow thing (which will remain nameless for legal reasons) that you -- or one of your kids -- may have played with as a small child.
We all know some serious Pigs. Click on the fools in this storm link below and give us your best (or worst) shot. Your comments could be on the next Pig's shirt when he get arrested and shown on TV for COPS.
As some of you ultra-cool regular visitors around here may have noticed, there is this logo in the upper left-hand corner now. Don't be afraid to click on it. It's just a link for you to get some effin' Thunderstorms in the Imajica gear.
Those that know me personally know what a happy, fun year I've had -- my mom died and before I could get back to my place in Metro Detroit, I crushed my leg and am still pretty disabled from it. It's been since around last Thanksgiving that I was at all normal. It's been a tremendous struggle physically, emotionally and financially. In addition, other things that I haven't blogged about have happened on top of it and that's where the phrase, "You Can't Make This Shit Up" (YCMTSU) comes from. It has pretty much sucked to be me. If it wasn't for the support of friends, I would have literally just given up.
Since my only option right now is to try to make a few bucks from home. I'm doing different things online, mostly dealing with affiliate accounts. For example, if you click on one of the little ads in the lower left hand corner for online education and fill out a free information request, I make a few cents that way. So, if you're vaguely interested in that, get the free info by clicking through my links so I'll get credit for it. Same deal with the various links to Amazon's online store. If you're going to buy some books, CDs or DVDs anyway, do it through my links and I'll make a few cents when you do.
Another thing that just came to my attention, from Brandon Starr, is the zazzle site. And it's something I can actually have some control over the product itself. That makes me happy. So, first I'll be doing my best to put some designs for apparel there. Click on the YCMTSU logo to check out my latest stuff. And, again, for everything you buy on zazzle, I make a few bucks. So buy yourself, someone else, and ultimately me a gift from my zazzle pages. When you do, it will help to literally keep the lights on here at Thunderstorms in the Imajica. The lights, or the phone, everything.
Look for a great contest for the witty person like you, coming up tomorrow. If you want to comment, tag or contact me, I'll be up all night designing some effin' gear to properly cover your sagging breasts and/or back hair.