John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica

 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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JfZ making a mess of the web
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Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Knee-deep in PiG SHIrT

Listen to the Pig!
So now that I have your attention ...

Meet The Pig.  I'm going to see if he'll fly.

Here's the deal: Help me think of things The Pig might say, and if it is funny enough, I might just put it on one of Listen to The Pig T-shirts.

Now just to explain a little further:

Pigs are dirty. 
Pigs are filthy. 
This pig can even be a little naughty.  

Like movies, Listen to The Pig Shirts on zazzle can be 'rated' G, PG-13, or R.  I plan on putting many Listen to The Pig designs on shirts in each category.  So, don't let the rating system inhibit your imagination -- say anything you want -- and I'll deal with the rating of it, if need be.

Here are a few G/PG-13 examples that come to mind as I type this:

Listen to The Pig -- and The Pig says,
"A messy room is the sign of an uncluttered mind"
"A cluttered desk is the hallmark of an executive"
"Those aren't MY socks on the floor, asshole."
"Learn to cook. That's a garbage disposal, not a damn wood chipper!"
"Backhair isn't sexy on your mama."
Thumbnail of JfZ's Listen to the Pig design

And you can have the most fun helping out with some R-rated ones.

When I think about the Listen to The Pig design, I imagine some fat sleazy balding guy planted in his NASCAR armchair spilling his can of beer when he jumps up to yell, "C'mon, you bitches!  Dance for daddy!!" while watching the national high school cheerleading squad competition on ESPN.

So bookmark this permalink and try to imagine what would that guy, himself, would say -- or what you might say about him.

The bottom image here is a thumbnail of the design I finally was able to finish this morning.  I was up all night trying to get what I always envisioned in my twisted little mind for Listen to The Pig idea onto a 1800 by 2100 pixel image.

Whatever obnoxious thing you may think of for what the Pig says will go into the cartoon word balloon I've put on top of the likeness of that oddly familiar yellow thing (which will remain nameless for legal reasons) that you -- or one of your kids -- may have played with as a small child.

You see, I feel it's my task, duty, and burden to utterly obliterate any remaining happy and innocent childhood memories onto which you might still be clinging.

Official Listen to the Pig shirt list
 Victoria's Secret  Goodbye Kitty  
 (your idea here?)    


We all know some serious Pigs.  Click on the fools in this storm link below and give us your best (or worst) shot.  Your comments could be on the next Pig's shirt when he get arrested and shown on TV for COPS.

Monday, July 05, 2004

Get Some Effin' Gear
As some of you ultra-cool regular visitors around here may have noticed, there is this logo in the upper left-hand corner now.  Don't be afraid to click on it.  It's just a link for you to get some effin' Thunderstorms in the Imajica gear.

Those that know me personally know what a happy, fun year I've had -- my mom died and before I could get back to my place in Metro Detroit, I crushed my leg and am still pretty disabled from it.  It's been since around last Thanksgiving that I was at all normal.  It's been a tremendous struggle physically, emotionally and financially.  In addition, other things that I haven't blogged about have happened on top of it and that's where the phrase, "You Can't Make This Shit Up" (YCMTSU) comes from.  It has pretty much sucked to be me.  If it wasn't for the support of friends, I would have literally just given up.

Since my only option right now is to try to make a few bucks from home. I'm doing different things online, mostly dealing with affiliate accounts.  For example, if you click on one of the little ads in the lower left hand corner for online education and fill out a free information request, I make a few cents that way.  So, if you're vaguely interested in that, get the free info by clicking through my links so I'll get credit for it.  Same deal with the various links to Amazon's online store.  If you're going to buy some books, CDs or DVDs anyway, do it through my links and I'll make a few cents when you do.

Another thing that just came to my attention, from Brandon Starr, is the zazzle site.  And it's something I can actually have some control over the product itself.  That makes me happy.  So, first I'll be doing my best to put some designs for apparel there.  Click on the YCMTSU logo to check out my latest stuff.  And, again, for everything you buy on zazzle, I make a few bucks.  So buy yourself, someone else, and ultimately me a gift from my zazzle pages.  When you do, it will help to literally keep the lights on here at Thunderstorms in the Imajica.  The lights, or the phone, everything

Look for a great contest for the witty person like you, coming up tomorrow.  If you want to comment, tag or contact me, I'll be up all night designing some effin' gear to properly cover your sagging breasts and/or back hair.

Sunday, July 04, 2004
You think I complain about George?!

These guys did more than just whine and complain
IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Have a great holiday -- just remember why you get the day off.

Saturday, July 03, 2004
Double word score

Chuck D - Indignantly cashing in

Chuck D from Public Enemy, after gaining wealth and fame in the RAP business doesn't want you to casually toss around the hip hop slang term "Mah Niggah", especially if you're a stupid white kid.

Featured prominently in a USA today article about the upcoming Sunday premiere of the documentary, The N word, on the cable channel Trio TV hosted all week by Chuck D, he laments, "Us accepting it is like somebody catching garbage and loving it."  And if a white kid, obviously ignorant to history of the word uses it?  "They don't know any better," he said. "I have to be aware of their intentions and put them in their place.

Now maybe it's just me, but I find Chuck D's position on language to not only be extremely ironic but also hypocritical.  The man wants you to buy his Public Enemy CDs, but doesn't want you (especially if you're a white kid) to repeat some of the lyrics, I guess.  In a further insult to the intelligence of anyone with a remote control, TrioTV is following up the premiere of The N word documentary with the story of Biggie and Tupac.  I don't want to sound like Bill O'Reilly on a Ludicris rant but, I have to ask what the hell?  Are you going to be serious or glamorize the hip hop message that a young black man can cruise the hood with his nine and all the bling-bling and booty on the planet are going to fall out of the sky into your Escalade?  Please.  Hypocritical Indignation?  Just shut up, Chuck. 
Fix it, brother

Another celebrity who is not only sick and tired of hearing the word nigger casually tossed around but, also is seriously critical of the pop culture of the black community, is Bill Cosby.  Just yesterday at the 33rd Annual Rainbow/PUSH Coalition and Citizenship Education Fund Conference, in Chicago, his plain spoken message again caused a stir.

In another USA Today article worth reading about the event, Cosby clearly addressed the critics of his earlier comments back in May, and challenged parents:

" Let me tell you something, your dirty laundry gets out of school at 2:30 every day, it's cursing and calling each other n as they're walking up and down the street "

I'll just repeat here what I wrote about the Cosby critics on Plastic:

Cosby is saying the same thing that Tavis Smiley and others have been saying for years, every year. Cosby, however, is an obvious master at comedy and sarcasm when in order to get his style of ' the fix it brother message' across to his audience, he said:
"the lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids--$500 sneakers for what? And won't spend $200 for `Hooked on Phonics.'"

The majority of the critics of Cosby are among the black leadership elite who feel they are also being personally indicted for some of the obvious social failings happening in the black community, such as: 70-80 percent of the next generation being born to un-wed moms, growing up fatherless in urban neighborhoods where poverty, crime, and unemployment is simply increasing and, where the kids are more likely to know someone with a felony record than a college degree. But don't get me started, either. Luckily, no one is likely to listen to a ranting white guy from Detroit, like me, unless my name was Marshall.

I applaud Cosby. He's at a point in his life where it doesn't matter to his career or the financial security of his family if he ruffles a few feathers. While the delivery of his message may be sarcastic at times, it cuts through the snobbery of political correctness and it's being heard.

Thursday, July 01, 2004
Saddam's Evidence Shocks Criminal Court

Thunderstorms in the Imajica exclusive

Thunderstorms in the Imajica breaking news shocks South Park residents

In a news story whose quantity of spun headlines is undoubtedly giving good Noam Chomsky a full blown woody, people in the news and propaganda business are working overtime to tell their readers and viewers what happened for 30-minutes in a criminal proceeding in Bagdad, Iraq today.

Everyone everywhere is talking about the court appearance of Saddam Hussein.

 USA Today  In an Iraqi court, Saddam hears charges and scoffs
 Bloomberg News  Hussein Defies Court's Authority, Says He's Leader
 N.Y. Times  First Public Appearance by Former Dictator in 7 Months
 Canada News  A defiant Saddam Hussein appears at hearing in Iraqi court
 Reuters UK  Saddam and 11 aides to face tribunal
 Radio Netherlands  Saddam hears the charges
 Islam Online  Defiant Saddam Denies Charges, Slams "Theatre" Trial
 South Africa  Saddam refuses charges
 Xinhua China  Defiant Saddam rejects charges against him

Fortunately for you, I'm here to tell you what really happened.

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