John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica

 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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Sunday, June 27, 2004
Dear Big Fundie Brother

Take the blue pill, Neo.

I'm so very glad I spent so many long nights tediously adding in my [>permalinks<] into all those past entries as a work-around for not having them here on blogdrive at the time.  Do you want to know why I'm so very-to-the-Nth-degree glad?

Because while blogdrive's latest upgrades (even the free features) make my manhood swell, now I can go back, re-edit about 150 entries and remove my work-around in all of them.  Or I may not even bother.  It's not like anyone is going to care to read any of my past entries.

Who cares that the CIA has a happy little blue cartoon bear named Ginger on their web site that wants to take your kids on a virtual tour and while doing so basically teaches them that lying and sneaking around behind your back is cute?

While at the same time, John Ashcroft, who shall from now on be called Big Fundie Brother, wants to 'protect the children' from anything morally unacceptable beyond his puritanical views using our tax dollars to prosecute LEGAL pornography.  I'm sure he'll find some cute legal justification to use Patriot Act provisions to further his investigations as part of the anti-porn crusade he embarked upon soon after raising his hand and vowing to (among other things) protect and defend the constitution.  Maybe I should write him a nice open letter:

Dear Big Fundie Brother,

Hey, you uptight little ashcroft, we know where Buttman lives.  The FOX News cadaver, Greta-in-Cistern, just interviewed him as well as Drew Oosterbaan, chief of the division in charge of obscenity prosecutions.  Could you tell Drew that we understand that he went through high school as the ugly kid with a funny name and that going after and prosecuting the guys now who have beautiful naked woman around them all of the time isn't going to change his teenage humiliation? 

May I ask, Big Fundie Brother, how many millions of our tax payer dough is going toward paying for your crusade by hiring people like Bruce Taylor?  That Fundie idiot couldn't win against Larry Flynt, remember?  And so now Bruce, Drew and you are going to crack down on consenting adults watching legal entertainment, right?

Let me give you this advice.  Next Sunday, when you walk into your church, look around at all the snot-nosed little kids running around putting holes in the knees of their Sunday best.  Look at the toddlers, and the infants, and the pregnant mothers bulging with the promise of new life.  Now, how do you think they got there?

Absolutely everyone in that church on Sunday is there because at one time or another their own parents hooked up and did the nasty.  As a matter of fact, many of those good people were likely doing it doggy-style only hours before Sunday School with the help of some Budweiser and a Pay-Per-View porno on Saturday night.

Now, look.  You only have a few more months left in your job.  Going after the cable industry is like biting the hand that got your good old boys elected.  America doesn't like to have its sense of morality legislated by election-year politicians or prosecuted by zealots.  Please stop justifying your job by catering to the technophobes who can't seem to fathom the purpose of their remote control to change the channel, or let alone operate the Tipper Gore V-Chip in their television sets, and are praying to their God daily for Judgement Day to end their terribly confused and miserable little lives.  And, if this applies to you -- don't be angry if there's no more lead in your scrawny old pencil and stop venting that frustration by going after all the fornicators -- go talk to Bob Dole and take a chill pill, a little blue chill pill.

Instead of harassing Buttman for producing legal porn, re-assign Bruce and Drew (wait just a minute -- "Bruth and Drew get re-ass-thigned by Big John" -- nevermind) and please go find Osama bin Laden so I can be safe at home to masturbate to whatever legal pornography is left after you finish thumping away at all of our civil liberties.

Oh, and tell Lam Nguyen that I did his job for free -- keeping the porn legal on Imajica BBS for years.  Tell him, "You just have to pace yourself."

Friday, June 25, 2004
Fraggin' Friday: Thunderstorms

I don't like you, and here's why ...
JfZ makes a mess all over the web
phreek-wently scoped out sites
Well now, this may be a nice time to tell you about a change in the weather around here.  I prefer not to blog about myself, or for fuck's sake, blog about the blog too often.  But, this first Fraggin' Friday back for me, I've decided to take a BFG to the blog itself.  I'm nuking it.  It's going to be messy around here for a while.  I thought I should say something like -- I don't know -- put on your safety glasses.  Prepare for Shock and Awe.  Well, maybe that one's a bad metaphor.

I had more than a month away from almost daily bloggin' recently, as you might notice by that big hole in the calendar, from Mother's Day to Father's Day.  While I missed everybody and everything*, the time away has helped me look at this site with more detachment.  I put alot of time and effort over the months into Thunderstorms beyond simply typing up my latest rants.  Change is a part of the nature of things.

Blogdrive did some significant upgrading on their end right before I left and while I was on my little digital hiatus.  I like the upgrades they've made.  The less time spent on form and function is more time that can be spent on content.  One nice thing is that the handy-dandy  permalinks  I so lovingly MacGyvered manually into all of my entries are now standard fare and can be added automatically.  The archives are easier to deal with.  Another thing that I just found and tried out is the file manager.  This saves me time from having to type in a 50 character Img Src URL so often.  Now, I can simply select the happy little orange insert image icon in the WYSIWYG editor.  Maybe the pages will load just that much faster.  We'll see.  I can tell you one thing, I'd get a serious digital woody if I had the coinage to pay blogdrive for some of their premium services about which I've read.

When I did get back online, I hestitated to even type up a blog entry for Thunderstorms.  I like consistency.  If I started bloggin' here again too soon after my break, I'd never get caught up on email accounts grown obscenely fat or anything else.  One thing I did do for several days before returning was put 500 blog entries online at Verissimus.  It's a good start.  It's the equivalent of getting the foundation and rough carpentry completed for the construction of a house.  While the site is functionable, I have alot more to get accomplished over there.  It can wait a bit longer though.  There are specific topics I need to do some more research on for Verissimus.  Even though I selected different options in its configuration and layout than the ones used here at Thunderstorms, I was able to see how some of the blogdrive upgrades looked and felt there since it is newly created.

Unfortunately, in order to get Thunderstorms working well with the new upgrades, it seems it's just going to be easier to get that done by tipping this freaky little etch-a-sketch upside down and shaking it vigorously.

* "I hate everybody and everything.  I hate everything about everybody"
   - Don Imus

Thursday, June 24, 2004
She is borg

Hot Borg Sex -- every geek's dream
Batteries not included
She is borg.
You will be humiliated.
Hypocrisy is futile.

You saw it here first: my idea for Illinois Democrat Obama's bumper sticker for his U.S. Senate campaign against Republican Jack Ryan.  As most Republicans in need of votes do, Jack Ryan sucks up to the naive Born Again Christian contributors on his website with soothing words about the latest BAC hot button issue, 
same sex marriage, when he states:

As an elected leader, my interest will be in promoting laws and educating people about the fundamental importance of the traditional family unit as the nucleus of our society. "

He goes on and on about it, of course.  Jack Ryan is a handsome smooth-talking  politician that would make any virtuous christian woman giggle from the sudden warmth between her legs as she was introduced to him by her Pastor.  But according to the Chicago Tribune from Tuesday, (ID: readthesun, PWD: readthesun) he also enjoys having hot Borg sex in public.

" Republican U.S. Senate nominee Jack Ryan's ex-wife, TV actress Jeri Ryan, accused him of taking her to sex clubs in New York and Paris, where he tried to coerce her into having sex with him in front of strangers, according to records released Monday from the couple's California divorce file. "

It's no wonder that Ryan fought to keep the public court records of his divorce quiet since 2000.  If he wasn't such a damned hypocrite, he would have probably cornered the Star Trek geek vote and perhaps even votes from people who don't care if the guy gets  a little Lewinsky now and again.  Instead, according to the Chicago Tribune on Thursday, "Ryan campaign explores exit strategy."    Now faster than you can say, "Scotty, beam me up," fellow Republicans in their own political races couldn't start fleeing from Jack Ryan any faster than if the dumb bastard had [Perv666] on the license plate of his little red corvette with PeeWee's Playhouse on the dash DVD.

[In other news] Asking Dick Cheney about Halliburton makes him grumpy.  During picture day on the Senate floor, Senator Leahy asked about the release of those pesky transcripts of his secret Energy Strategy meetings.  Cheney replied, "Fuck you."

Thank you, C-SPAN.  And I hope they don't fine you for airing indecent content.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004
YCMTSU: Election year Oz brings out brainless Scare Crows again

Don't waste your vote on any Democrat or Republican
The nipple seen 'round the world
Let's see ... there was Dorothy, Toto, the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Man, and the Scare Crow.  It seems that Nebraska, not Kansas, simply must elect Scare Crows in need of a brain to the U.S. Senate.  It was Nebraska Senator James Exon who frightened the technophobic christians of the country by telling them that, "the worst, most vile, most perverse pornography is only a few 'click, click, clicks' away from any child on the Internet" and sponsored the Communications Decency Act to be part of the huge, sweeping Telecommunications Reform Act of 1996.  Perhaps because Exon was a Democrat, Republican Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich had reservations about Exon's CDA but, he was obviously astute to the political game when he commented, "Clearly a violation of free speech and it's a violation of the right of adults to communicate with each other, but was I think seen as a good press release back home so people voted for it."

Both of these quotes are from the same transcript of the respected PBS show, McNeil Lehrer News Hour, sent out by Shabbir Safdar of the Voter's Telecom Watch (VTW).  Some of you may remember me going ballistic back in 1995 and 1996 over Exon's CDA and all of its subsequent legislative permutations.  I still have packets from Michigan's legislators.  Imajica BBS became the anti-CDA coordination point for the VTW for the state of Michigan and we may have helped Senator Carl Levin to check his pair and vote against it.  Regardless, you need only to scan the titles on this Electronic Frontier Foundation archive page to see how many lawsuits and court battles that the brainless, unconstitutional legislation caused back in the d-a-y.

Fast forward now to the present election season.  Once again, a Scare Crow Nebraska Senator sponsors another smarmy 'protect the children' amendment.  According to a Reuters News article,

"The U.S. Senate on Tuesday approved a measure to crack down on indecency antics on broadcast radio and television by sharply raising fines to as much as $275,000 per incident and up to $3 million per day."

In a Cowardly Lion move, the Senate passed this amendment by slipping it into the upcoming defense authorization bill.  While the House still has to pass it, and someone in the White House has to sneak into Dick Cheney's desk and borrow his Dubya stamp pad, it's likely to become law of the land.  No one is going to commit political suicide by voting against any defense related bill during this election year.  Besides, who cares ... it's just extra fines against big, rich, liberal media conglomerates, right?  You'll care when they start dumbing down radio content so far you'll be treated to Clear Channel playing that annoying Barney the Dinosaur song during your commute home after a particularly stressful day at work.

Once again, as citizens of this country, we are also treated to cowardly, brainless politicians who want to legislate our morality and take the heart out of the constitution for the sake of their own careers.

And what do you think is behind the wizard's curtain in Washington, O.Z.?  Sadly, it's just the floppy middle-aged breast of Janet Jackson.

You Can't Make This Shit Up

Monday, June 21, 2004
Movie Monday - Levity

I do not miss snow and ice in the city
You constantly read stories in your daily newspaper about the crimes committed in our world.  The perpetrators and victims of so many robberies, rapes and murders blur and simply become another statistic.  While in college at UCLA, Ed Solomon (writer/director) tutored inmates at a maximum security juvenile prison.  One young kid, serving the first year of a life sentence for murder, kept a photo of the man he had killed to remember and try to understand the life he had taken.

Based on this true story, Levity is Solomon's expertly woven parable of such a man, Manuel Jordan (Billy Bob Thornton), parolled almost against his will, and back in the wintry city seeking redemption and forgiveness for killing Abner Easley during a convenience store robbery over two decades earlier.  Manuel (Billy Bob Thornton) meets Miles Evans (Morgan Freeman), portraying the preacher of a half-way house and soup kitchen, who counsels Manuel though he has his own past to reconcile.  Manuel helps Sofia Mellinger (Kirsten Dunst), a self-destructive girl who frequents the night club near the soup kitchen, and he also seeks out the sister of his victim, Adele Easley (Holly Hunter).  Manuel then tries to make amends with Adele by helping her troubled son, also named Abner after his dead uncle, avoid making the same terrible youthful mistake he has made while not revealing his true identity as her brother's killer.

In one scene that summed up the film for me, Manuel is deep in thought and absent-mindedly breaking off pieces of frozen snow from the railing of a concrete pedestrian bridge.  Casually tossing them, like feeding pieces of bread to park squirrels, he watches them fall to the ground below and break apart.  His murder victim, Abner, appears next to him.  Abner has been in Manuel's thoughts for over twenty years and has been more of a constant companion and a guide than a haunting spirit.  Thus, the conversation is casual.

Abner asks, "What are you thinking about?"

Pondering for a moment, Manuel tosses another piece of winter off of the bridge.  Looking at Abner as if he doesn't know how to answer, Manuel replies, "Gravity."

In a poignant simplicity describing his own life cut short, Abner takes a piece of frozen snow, tosses it, and says, "It doesn't last long."  Manuel watches it -- as it falls up -- into the bright and crisp winter sky.

Levity overcomes gravity.

Get this DVD.  It'll become one of your favorites.

Or, if you're bouncing around the house because you need to see something brand new, check out this new Hollywood preview web site.

Be the first in line... See the previews. Rate the movies. Get free stuff. (No, really.)

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