John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica



 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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Monday, January 05, 2004
Imajica Fast Forward File v.03


Mom's very last B-day: Carrot cake cuz her nick was Bunny

I got this sporkful of wisdom forwarded to me for the New Year.  I hate forwarded emails.  This one just made me friggin' sad.

IF3 v.03

[---]

To realize the value of a sister:
Ask someone who doesn't have one.

To realize the value of ten years:
Ask a newly divorced couple.

To realize the value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize the value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize the value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one-second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident...

To realize the value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

[---]

Happy birthday, Mom ... I miss your no-bullshit common sense and your sarcastic humor.


Read past IF>  v.02  v.01


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Sunday, January 04, 2004
NASA: Postcards from the edge (of Mars)


Surveying for a future friggin' Starbucks location

Since I live in central Florida, I get inundated with Space Coast stories in my local TV news broadcasts like Detroit's WXYZ continually whoring itself out for the auto industry.  I haven't cared much about automobiles since I put chrome wheels and 60's on my first car, which sadly was a two-toned brown and white, four door, 1974 Chevy Nova.  I'm immune to new model year car dealer hype as I can't afford one, now, or in the next foreseeable geological era.  Modifying older cars doesn't interest me very much as I really am to the point where I am so lame that I take my truck into the shop to simply get an oil change and filter.  But space vehicles do spark my imagination.

As of an hour ago, NASA and JPL report that "the little vehicle that could", named Spirit by the nauseatingly patriotic little russian orphan girl, has landed safely on Mars and is sending back its first images from the planet's surface.  Here's the official news flash:

Spirit Sends Back Postcards from Mars

NASA's Mars Exploration Spirit is sending back its first images from the surface of Mars. More images will be available shortly. NASA's Deep Space Network received a signal confirming that Mars Exploration Rover Spirit is alive after rolling to a stop on the surface of Mars.(Updated - Jan 4. 12 am PST)

So, that's pretty cool, I guess.

Checking out the lay of the land on Mars is a first step.  What do you think we humans will be doing on Mars in, say, 50 years?  Think about it for a minute.  I sarcastically envision a domed surburbia complete with a Wal-Mars Super Store.

Life on Mars has captured our specie's attention for a long time.  There have been over a hundred movies made with a martian theme.  It seems the very first film about Mars was over 80 friggin' years ago, when Aelita: Queen of Mars hit the cinema.  It only cost a nickel, or a ruble, to buy a movie ticket back then, but Aelita was probably more about a guy's amazonian BDSM martian mistress sexual fantasy than space travel.

More realistically speaking, I think daily life on Mars 50 years from now will most likely resemble the work that is currently taking place in Antartica.  We have been there since 1956 and I haven't heard news of a new Starbucks opening up there yet.


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Saturday, January 03, 2004
Thunderstorms in the Imajica - 2003


 there is NO spoon




I started Thunderstorms in the Imajica on the afternoon of August 31st, 2003 about two weeks before my mother died.  She was the only parent I ever knew.  I had been taking care of her, rather than having her stored in a nursing home for her last days, for about the previous two years.  Any entries on this archive calendar previous to August are menu item entries that I backdated to keep them out of the chronological flow.


<< January 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
  01 02 03 04
05 06 07 08 09 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31
<< February 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
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02 03 04 05 06 07 08
09 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28
<< March 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
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02 03 04 05 06 07 08
09 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31
<< April 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
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06 07 08 09 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30
<< May 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
  01 02 03
04 05 06 07 08 09 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31
<< June 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
01 02 03 04 05 06 07
08 09 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30
<< July 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
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06 07 08 09 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31
<< August 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
  01 02
03 04 05 06 07 08 09
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31
<< September 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
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07 08 09 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30
<< October 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
  01 02 03 04
05 06 07 08 09 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31
<< November 2003 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
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02 03 04 05 06 07 08
09 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
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<< December 2003 >>
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07 08 09 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
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[Headphones] :: Hurricane Jeanne is Gone! - JfZ




Friday, January 02, 2004
Forehead Logo Branding


Tickle Me IronMike

I just finished watching many hours of one of my favorite shows on TV.  Sci-Fi channel ran a marathon of Star Gate SG-1 episodes tonight.  One of the episodes involved SG-1 frolicking with an amazon-like group of strategically clad women warriors that would have raised wood on any number of worlds.  Check out the Star Gate SG-1 web site to see what some real cash can do for your web site ideas.

Anyway, I happen to notice that these chicks had a different forehead tattoo than SG-1's Jaffa member, Teal'c.  If you watch the show, you know what I mean.  If not, use the link to see Christopher Judge as Teal'c.  I don't know if he could take Iron Mike, but he has an equally conspicuous face marking.

So, all this gave me an idea.  This is the point where most people who know me say, "Uh-oh", or turn off their cell phones.  I think 2004 should usher in an era of Forehead Logo Branding.  Here are some of my examples:

 It's all, like cosmic, MAN!
Dennis Hopper's peace sign
 Prison Bitch Buffet
Martha Stewart's handcuff
 Fab Five Forehead Logo
Carson's Fab Five forehead logo
 Honest, I was just sleeping ...
Michael Jackson's "just sleeping with him"


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Thursday, January 01, 2004
Sphincterrific !?



You can kiss my little yellow two-dimensional ass!

I've decided to start the New Year on a high note with an
ass joke.  Personally, I've never had a colonoscopy.  However, 2003 felt like a cold plastic tube being rammed up my ass all year, so it's appropriate.  2004, you ask?  I think I agree with Warren Ellis about 2004.

A physician claims these are
actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

AND FINALLY

13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

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