John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica



 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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JfZ making a mess of the web
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Thursday, January 01, 2004
Sphincterrific !?



You can kiss my little yellow two-dimensional ass!

I've decided to start the New Year on a high note with an
ass joke.  Personally, I've never had a colonoscopy.  However, 2003 felt like a cold plastic tube being rammed up my ass all year, so it's appropriate.  2004, you ask?  I think I agree with Warren Ellis about 2004.

A physician claims these are
actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

AND FINALLY

13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

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Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Melicious' Top Ten List


_..:=" Here is Mel's Top Ten List "=:.._

melicious 2003-12-31
Caveat Lector:
The top ten list is a constantly evolving and very personally relative record to each List Maker. Please feel free to add your own Top Ten.

10) F.W.B.
9) Whack-A-Mole at the Compound
8) Toulon wearing all white - overalls & tshirt - to City Club and gleaning respect of the depraved patrons.
7) The many porno movies we all made
6) Elevators and Ice Machines need love too
5) M, dressed in a full-length velvet evening gown, kneels along a fence on the Cass Corridor to purge herself of too much Yagermeister while a random bum pats her on the back and tells her repeatedly "c'mon, bring it up, guh" (guh, I believe, translates as girl)
4) Ann's Tit
3) Baker's Square's famous Tit Pie (no relation to Ann)
2) C's nipple rings flashed on Royal Oak's Main Street 1, 2, 3, four times
1) JfZ runs nude for hours through suburban utopia at 3 AM

JfZ, you shall hold number one on my list for eternity and a day. *kiss*
~mel

====

Thanks, Mel ... If we swap out #10 for something else, it would be an "all Metro Detroit list".  

Ummm, like the time:

I went ballistic at the compound when the cops showed up for the third time during that one Bri2 Bash.

Or Toulon at the Mardis Gras party at your place in Bwight-mon.

Or finding someone in a running jeep in my driveway in the morning.

Or something else, Heh.



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Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Adult Swim


Aeon animated most guys

I have to admit to watching Cartoon Network's
Adult Swim just about every night it is on.  Here's the thing ... at 11:00pm, I could watch my local TV news, or Futurama.  Rather than laughing at the cheesy news anchor trying to make a story about parking at the mall during the holiday season seem important, I'd just rather laugh at Fry, Leela and Bender.  So, as Bender would say, "If you don't like it, you can bite my shiny metal ass".

At 11:30, if Jay Leno and David Letterman are not very fresh, I just continue watching Adult Swim.  The current line-up has Family Guy after Futurama.  Family Guy is more hilarious than either Jay or Dave's monologues anyway.  I have nearly fallen out of bed and re-broken my knee listening to Brian (the dog) or Stewie make their sarcastic or demanding comments.

At midnight, Adult Swim currently shows anime.  I personally don't like Inuyasha or Big-O, so I tend to surf back to the official talking heads of late night like Jay, Dave, or Conan.  Then I wait.

At 1:00am, one of my favorites comes on, Cowboy Bebop.  I think this cartoon is very cool, because it takes place in space, in the future, and it's light-hearted.  Unlike Inuyasha and Big-O though, I can actually follow the storyline.

After Cowboy Bebop, a more serious anime comes on -- Reign: The Conqueror.  Just watching Reign, you can tell it was created by the same guy (Peter Chung) that created one of my all-time favorites, Aeon Flux.  It's serious, it's weird, and it tells a good story.  The artwork is friggin' awesome.

Don't forget to check out the New Year's Eve Party at the Brak show.  Do you ever watch Adult Swim?  What's your favorite cartoon?



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Saturday, December 27, 2003
Sucks to live in China


You could get fucked by the PROC guvmint

Let's see ... there's the communism thing. 

Then there's the fact that you probably have the same name as one hundred thousand other people in your country.

Standing in front of military tanks in Tianamen Square has been done.

But, reading this headline from the AP news really caught my eye:
Mass-orgy leads to jail for life



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Thursday, December 25, 2003
We have ways of making you understand


With love, to my favorite Hillsborough County Sheriff's Deputy

I found a nifty little thing to add to the web warez list.  It's a user-defined glossary of terms.  Yup.  You see, there has been some confusion around here lately and I found a way to clear things up.

For example, what do you think of when you hear or read the following words:

Spinner
FWB
Porn Star
Saltine
Boo
FFFreak


Welp, those are words that describe people.  And no, they're not the latest racial slurs or anything ... except maybe Saltine, which I have been called before. They're just frickin' slang.  So now when I find myself using an archaic or slang term, I can point you to the newly created Thunderstorms in the Imajica glossary.

We get to play with a  new web warez toy for a new year.  If you have some terms you'd like added to the glossary, use the comment function below.  Have some fun.  But remember, you'll have to look up regular words like perseverate in the regular dictionary, just like I did once.

Oh, and Merry Frickin' Christmas.



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