John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica

 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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Thursday, December 08, 2005
BushWorld Holiday Cheer

Just in time for the holiday season, award-winning graphics design outfit, Plinko, brings us the Baby Bush Toys website.

If you have a resoundingly average child, take a quick look at the Baby Bush Toys products page for such unconfounding playthings as the Twisty Thing that is Red, Portable Playground, Circle of Liberty Puzzle, Red Ball Counter, Goodnight Moon, Freedom Dinger, and the Smasher Breaker.

Other Baby Bush Toys include the Terror Alert Xylophone (left) and the Lil' Looming Disaster Pillow which is the featured Baby Bush Toy.  According to Plinko, this bright and charming pillow ensures that your child never forgets that the world is full of bad people plotting evil deeds.

As we all know, U.S. President George Bush is currently out and about this holiday season making appearances and giving speeches for his Murtha-induced Plan for Victory campaign.  Despite the Democrusader's extremely busy propaganda schedule, he was able to take time out to participate in the filiming of the White House produced holiday video called "A Very Barney Christmas."

It's a 10-minute short film [.ASX] in which one presidential pet, Barney, gets miffed about his falling popularity poll numbers and is jealous that the other presidential pet, Beazley, is the talk of the town.  Talk about weird, tongue-in-cheek irony.  Go watch it, though.  It's kinda creepy with all the people in the White House trying to act and say their lines.

In other Terror Alert Xylophone news, a team with the Federal Air Marshall Service (FAMS) shot and killed an apparently mentally ill man on an American Airlines flight at Miami International Airport.  Who or what is FAMS?  Well, if you need help remembering the Bushworld reorganization and multi-trillion-dollar bloating of the U.S. federal government, just remember the Old Testament.  Dubya beget the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) who beget the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) who recently beget the Federal Air Marshall Service (FAMS).

Despite loud assertions from all levels of government bureaucracy that the Marshalls acted as they were trained and we should all feel good about that, Rigoberto Alpizar was nonetheless tragically gunned down within earshot of his wife.  The Alpizar's were returning from a Christian mission in South America and were taking the short second-leg flight from Miami to Orlando and their home in Maitland, Florida.

Apparently, it is now government policy to show incompetence on a monthly basis.  Did Rigoberto Alpizar have to be killed?  I don't know.  You couldn't pay me enough money to be a law enforcement officer in any agency.  I'd likely kill you just because you are ugly.  I have to defer judgement to the officers making those split-second decisions on the scene.

But have you taken a look at Department of Homeland Security secretary, Michael Chertoff, lately?  This poor bastard has only had this job for less than a year, but he looks like he wakes up in the morning, throws up from anxiety before his first cup of coffee and forgets to shave.

You would be stressed out, if you were in charge of Homeland Security, which:
  • the 911 Commission just recently gave failing grades, in all areas.
  • and, in charge of TSA whose FAMS agents just shot and killed a man.
  • and, in charge of Customs and Border Protection (CBP), which is a joke.
  • and, let's not forget FEMA and the Hurricane Katrina debacle.
Yeah, if I was Michael Chertoff, I'd definitely be puking up my gingerbread cookies and egg nog every morning, too.  But, in happier holiday news, the Defense Department has said they believe Osama bin Laden is still alive and well, and living in Waziristan, the mountainous tribal area between Afghanistan and Pakistan.  So, that's something.  Military Intelligence catches up with the media.


[Headphones] :: Bush and Brando Debate - JfZ

Posted at 10:37 pm by John Furie Zacharias

Brandon Starr
December 10, 2005   05:27 PM PST
Funny, funny stuff! Especially since I've had a kid and went through the "Baby Einstein" phase recently.
J f Z
December 11, 2005   12:22 AM PST
Personally, I want to buy the Twisty Thing. That is red.

But have you seen Michael Chertoff? It was not reported on CNN recently that he personally authorized FEMA to purchase tens of thousands of Plinko's 'Portable Playthings' for the poor children displaced by hurricane Katrina. Unfortunately, the children must beg on the streets for a pillow to convert it into a happy, nappy-time place.
December 11, 2005   05:39 AM PST
lmao. i need to get me one of them terror color xylophones, man!!!!
December 12, 2005   01:40 PM PST
Priceless JfZ entry! Damn, I love you!

(ps you made me snarf my coffee...again)
December 12, 2005   03:26 PM PST
send me an emergency TOY KIT right away LOL - im too broke after spending all Robs hard earned cash on his family for xmas ;)
December 14, 2005   01:50 PM PST
I like the, "Smasher Breaker toy". KkKewel! -and- "Freedom Dinger"!


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