John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica

 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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Thursday, July 22, 2004
Suggest your story HERE

Listen to your mother
I know I may really regret asking YOU what you'd like me to do (see image) but, I've been busy, or distracted, or whatever lately  -- doing other things than putting up quick, humorous things for you to read at Thunderstorms.

Whether you arrived here, right now -- because you're screwing off and digitally masturbating inside the perceived privacy of your office cubicle at work, taking a break from tenaciously rounding up those pesky little dust bunnies on the floor under your bed, or just in a dorm room waiting for someone to return with more beer and you're so abso-fucking-lutely drunk you accidently typed in this web address instead of "" -- I do endeavor to have something for you to read, even though I personally think you're likely a lying weasel or a stupid pig.

So, let's see you pick something to talk about, shall we?

Here's a serendipitous example from some months ago to help you understand what I'm asking you to do.  It's very simple.  

This popped up on my TAG board (left side panel) one day:

hygelic » I'm on the toilet, wirelessly reading your blog. You, sir, can put yer weed in there!
hygelic » One more thing - I'm waiting for your editorial on the republican polar bear root canal surgery.

So a few days later -- since Hygelic happens to be such a good friend from way back in the d-a-y and he's just a friggin' all-around cool guy that makes me laugh when we get a chance to talk, and nowadays this blog would not even exist if it were not for his friendship and generosity -- I was compelled to end Hygelic's sojourn on the toilet with this short blog entry so other people in the house could finally use the bathroom, too.

Like Hygelic, his pungent fish fragrance filled the room

Sucks to be Boris
I think root canal surgery on polar bears (ursus maritimus) is a growth industry.  According to Rhonda Savage, a dentist near Tacoma, polar bears kept in tiny circus cages around the world develop a nervous habit of rubbing their teeth on the metal bars and excess wear can occur.  I can empathize with this as I grind my teeth at night.  Recently, one of these polar bears, a 19-year-old named Boris, went in for some dental work to take care of two problem teeth.

You'd think it would be tough performing two root canals on a 1,018-pound, meat-eating beast with 4-inch claws.  Not according to Boris' dentist, Edmund Kwan.  Not quoted as saying, "First, you just knock the bitch out like some fat, middle-aged teamster and then use a larger drill bit".

While Boris got two root canals done, it's known that his buddy, Kenneth will require five surgeries.  Dentists are salivating and rubbing their own teeth on cash registers at the prospect of a whole new growing demographic of clientele.

As many women have had their dentist fondle them while under anesthesia, Boris also had liberties taken.  With no prior consent, they drew blood and urine from him.  While this seems to be a gross violation of his privacy, Boris doesn't plan any litigation as he had no dental insurance to cover the financial cost of his procedures.

Although The News Tribune in Tacoma didn't specify if Boris was a Republican at the time of his root canal.  My personal opinion is that Boris is more likely to be a Libertarian as he certainly would devour any donkey or elephant meat given to him like a free hot wing appetizer at Hooters.  Donkeys and Elephants can eat tons of grass every day but, they get all righteous if a couple of polar bears smoke any.

Do you see how this works now?  It doesn't have to be based on a real news story. In fact, if it's not, as this one wasn't, good.  We'll make it one.  Think of it as like an anti-YCMTSU topic.  The more imaginative and creative you are coming up with a topic, the more likely it will be that I even bother to read your mindless ramblings or write something about it.

Hit [ Permalink ] right now and let the first thing that comes to your mind spew forth.

Posted at 02:00 am by John Furie Zacharias

July 24, 2004   02:39 PM PDT
hmmmm the first thing the comes to my mind.. well i'd have to say, the picture up there is.. lol.. a little amusing. i dont see that often. and the story about hygelic, it's a strange one but inspiring because he 'helped' you build the blog. as for the polar bear.. **aww** look at it :(.
J f Z
July 26, 2004   01:12 PM PDT
I'll have to look up where I first saw that image -- but I like it so much because it reminds me of my mom.

Hygelic is -- and always has been -- über-leet.

Boris the polar bear is doing better now.


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