John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica

 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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JfZ making a mess of the web
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Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Knee-deep in PiG SHIrT

Listen to the Pig!
So now that I have your attention ...

Meet The Pig.  I'm going to see if he'll fly.

Here's the deal: Help me think of things The Pig might say, and if it is funny enough, I might just put it on one of Listen to The Pig T-shirts.

Now just to explain a little further:

Pigs are dirty. 
Pigs are filthy. 
This pig can even be a little naughty.  

Like movies, Listen to The Pig Shirts on zazzle can be 'rated' G, PG-13, or R.  I plan on putting many Listen to The Pig designs on shirts in each category.  So, don't let the rating system inhibit your imagination -- say anything you want -- and I'll deal with the rating of it, if need be.

Here are a few G/PG-13 examples that come to mind as I type this:

Listen to The Pig -- and The Pig says,
"A messy room is the sign of an uncluttered mind"
"A cluttered desk is the hallmark of an executive"
"Those aren't MY socks on the floor, asshole."
"Learn to cook. That's a garbage disposal, not a damn wood chipper!"
"Backhair isn't sexy on your mama."
Thumbnail of JfZ's Listen to the Pig design

And you can have the most fun helping out with some R-rated ones.

When I think about the Listen to The Pig design, I imagine some fat sleazy balding guy planted in his NASCAR armchair spilling his can of beer when he jumps up to yell, "C'mon, you bitches!  Dance for daddy!!" while watching the national high school cheerleading squad competition on ESPN.

So bookmark this permalink and try to imagine what would that guy, himself, would say -- or what you might say about him.

The bottom image here is a thumbnail of the design I finally was able to finish this morning.  I was up all night trying to get what I always envisioned in my twisted little mind for Listen to The Pig idea onto a 1800 by 2100 pixel image.

Whatever obnoxious thing you may think of for what the Pig says will go into the cartoon word balloon I've put on top of the likeness of that oddly familiar yellow thing (which will remain nameless for legal reasons) that you -- or one of your kids -- may have played with as a small child.

You see, I feel it's my task, duty, and burden to utterly obliterate any remaining happy and innocent childhood memories onto which you might still be clinging.

Official Listen to the Pig shirt list
 Victoria's Secret  Goodbye Kitty  
 (your idea here?)    


We all know some serious Pigs.  Click on the fools in this storm link below and give us your best (or worst) shot.  Your comments could be on the next Pig's shirt when he get arrested and shown on TV for COPS.

Posted at 08:27 pm by John Furie Zacharias

July 7, 2004   08:38 PM PDT
I did not have sexual relations with that sow.
J f Z
July 8, 2004   05:17 AM PDT
Heh. See? It's healthy and therapeutic to Listen to the Pig ;) Identifying some all-time Pigs might be useful. I don't think many people could sincerely defend ex-prez Clinton in this area. His sexual appetite and conduct could be called piggish... now I would have to word it to make it sound like advice:

Never say under oath, " --- ".
Never publish in a bestselling novel, "I did not get any Lewinsky from those other women."

Duke, you are hereby appointed VP of the Listen to the Pig department of sarcasm in charge of Clinton-isms.
July 9, 2004   02:29 AM PDT
WOO! I love the kitty shirt, and I think the pig is so creepy.
I understand he's supposed to be, but he's so scary! I was read Amityville Horror as bedtime story when I was little and ever since then I can't stand pigs... Anyway he freaks me out LOL. Good job!
J f Z
July 9, 2004   04:42 AM PDT
That's cool, Ams ;) Even though it took me alot of work to get the grafix just the way I wanted it for the shirt, the little cartoon pig was drawn very fast with a black fine point Sharpie. It's intuitive that you think he's creepy.

Even though he was drawn in one shot -- I purposely made his face narrow rather than round and fat, tried to give him a sleazy expression, and have pointed ears denoting a devillishness about him like a mini cartoon shoulder-sitting devil (vs. the angel) that might whisper in your ear some faulty advice.
July 9, 2004   07:59 AM PDT
yes. sleazy is the PERFECT adjective. He's shaking his butt all up in the air, and what exactly is his other hand doing? LMAO! I'm loving that creepy lil' guy more and more.
J f Z
July 9, 2004   07:18 PM PDT
Hehe. I don't know how to respond to that! :)

Rest assured -- whatever you think he's doing there -- he's making a mess.
July 9, 2004   10:28 PM PDT
I'm honored. I had a slew of others going thru my tiny brain but thought better of them since they were primarily slams on Kerry and I want to spread the love around so I'll hafta pace myself. heh
J f Z
July 11, 2004   04:17 AM PDT
Heh. Kerry slams? You? Go ahead ... you're certainly not going to hurt my feelings at all.

If any are good enough, I'll definitely put it on a shirt. I'll gladly accept a few Republican pennies on the sale of a shirt ;)

I have to doublecheck with a search engine first, of course, but I don't think you'll find any blog entries where I'm rooting for John Kerry to do anything. I'm not real keen on wasting too much of my time on also-rans. Not that the DNC convention is coming up and he has a VP choice, maybe I should share some of my mindless ramblings concerning it. I've heard some pretty good conspiracy theories lately.
July 11, 2004   11:48 PM PDT
C'mon now, you know I'm not afraid to hurt anyones feelings. I simply don't want to waste all my energy on someone who's going to fade into history in a few months. VBEMG! But I'll figure out a real good one or two.

ooh about...

Ever wanted to get two Johns with one flush? Now you can! But act fast as this is a limited time offer!
(offer only valid until November 2, 2004)

and have a picture of two toilets hugging (or touching in some *ahem* inappropriate manner)

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