John Furie Zacharias
having a bad day in a strange place
Thunderstorms Anywhere

Thunderstorms in the Imajica

 The different ways I don't like you 
 in a list that may never become organized
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Sunday, June 27, 2004
Dear Big Fundie Brother

Take the blue pill, Neo.

I'm so very glad I spent so many long nights tediously adding in my [>permalinks<] into all those past entries as a work-around for not having them here on blogdrive at the time.  Do you want to know why I'm so very-to-the-Nth-degree glad?

Because while blogdrive's latest upgrades (even the free features) make my manhood swell, now I can go back, re-edit about 150 entries and remove my work-around in all of them.  Or I may not even bother.  It's not like anyone is going to care to read any of my past entries.

Who cares that the CIA has a happy little blue cartoon bear named Ginger on their web site that wants to take your kids on a virtual tour and while doing so basically teaches them that lying and sneaking around behind your back is cute?

While at the same time, John Ashcroft, who shall from now on be called Big Fundie Brother, wants to 'protect the children' from anything morally unacceptable beyond his puritanical views using our tax dollars to prosecute LEGAL pornography.  I'm sure he'll find some cute legal justification to use Patriot Act provisions to further his investigations as part of the anti-porn crusade he embarked upon soon after raising his hand and vowing to (among other things) protect and defend the constitution.  Maybe I should write him a nice open letter:

Dear Big Fundie Brother,

Hey, you uptight little ashcroft, we know where Buttman lives.  The FOX News cadaver, Greta-in-Cistern, just interviewed him as well as Drew Oosterbaan, chief of the division in charge of obscenity prosecutions.  Could you tell Drew that we understand that he went through high school as the ugly kid with a funny name and that going after and prosecuting the guys now who have beautiful naked woman around them all of the time isn't going to change his teenage humiliation? 

May I ask, Big Fundie Brother, how many millions of our tax payer dough is going toward paying for your crusade by hiring people like Bruce Taylor?  That Fundie idiot couldn't win against Larry Flynt, remember?  And so now Bruce, Drew and you are going to crack down on consenting adults watching legal entertainment, right?

Let me give you this advice.  Next Sunday, when you walk into your church, look around at all the snot-nosed little kids running around putting holes in the knees of their Sunday best.  Look at the toddlers, and the infants, and the pregnant mothers bulging with the promise of new life.  Now, how do you think they got there?

Absolutely everyone in that church on Sunday is there because at one time or another their own parents hooked up and did the nasty.  As a matter of fact, many of those good people were likely doing it doggy-style only hours before Sunday School with the help of some Budweiser and a Pay-Per-View porno on Saturday night.

Now, look.  You only have a few more months left in your job.  Going after the cable industry is like biting the hand that got your good old boys elected.  America doesn't like to have its sense of morality legislated by election-year politicians or prosecuted by zealots.  Please stop justifying your job by catering to the technophobes who can't seem to fathom the purpose of their remote control to change the channel, or let alone operate the Tipper Gore V-Chip in their television sets, and are praying to their God daily for Judgement Day to end their terribly confused and miserable little lives.  And, if this applies to you -- don't be angry if there's no more lead in your scrawny old pencil and stop venting that frustration by going after all the fornicators -- go talk to Bob Dole and take a chill pill, a little blue chill pill.

Instead of harassing Buttman for producing legal porn, re-assign Bruce and Drew (wait just a minute -- "Bruth and Drew get re-ass-thigned by Big John" -- nevermind) and please go find Osama bin Laden so I can be safe at home to masturbate to whatever legal pornography is left after you finish thumping away at all of our civil liberties.

Oh, and tell Lam Nguyen that I did his job for free -- keeping the porn legal on Imajica BBS for years.  Tell him, "You just have to pace yourself."

Posted at 11:14 pm by John Furie Zacharias

June 28, 2004   09:54 PM PDT
You need to know where Ashcroft is coming from. He's a Christian plain and simple...which means pornography is immorale in his opinion (mine as well tho I've fallen prey to it so to speak). Porn is one of the downfalls of society, it demeans all people involved in it including those who use it/view it. I totally understand your point when it comes to the money he's spending on this crusade...that money could be better spent as you said to "please go find Osama bin Laden." However, he obviously has it in his mind to do this so perhaps you might fight back as you did in the Imajica days.
John Furie Zacharias
June 29, 2004   12:34 AM PDT
Similar to the days of when I was very actively fighting against the Communications Decency Act, the news media eats this shit up wholesale because they can legitimately show some blurry porn in their broadcasts and boost their ratings. Unlike those days, very large billion dollar commercial enterprises, like the cable industry, are against this form of censorship of legal entertain for adults, no matter why Ashcroft is doing it. The justice department is only likely to prevail in the cases where the pornography in question is already illegal or produced by someone who simply does not have the funds and resources to defend themselves. Many have settled out of court before trial. It's only this intimidation of federal prosecution that the likes of Bruce Taylor can bank on to have any successful cases in his (DoJ) favor. It's troubling to me.

If someone said, "Owning a gun is one of the downfalls of society", I don't think you'd agree with them.
June 29, 2004   07:02 PM PDT
Pornography and owning a gun are two VERY different things. Intense research has been done on the effects of both gun ownership and usage of porn. It's a proven fact that private gun ownership helps lower crime and keep it to a minimum. It's also a proven fact that most rapists indulge in pornography or have in the past and it just isn't enough for them anymore hence they become rapists.

PLEASE don't take this as me saying that anyone who uses porn is a potential rapist...I'm simply stating facts.
John Furie Zacharias
June 30, 2004   04:46 AM PDT
Argh. The majority of crackheads smoke cigarettes (when they can afford to have them) so according to those facts, cigarette smoking CAUSES rape, I guess.
June 30, 2004   09:09 PM PDT
What exactly do crackheads have to do with this?
John Furie Zacharias
July 1, 2004   10:09 PM PDT
Crackheads rape gun owners to get their porn and cigarettes.
July 1, 2004   11:33 PM PDT
Crackheads get shot by gun owners in attempt to rape them and lie six feet under doing no harm to themselves or anyone else ever again. heh

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